Posted by Dave Dude you made my cock hard! Hell yes finish the storie..LOL's You have a hot imagination,I would like to play with you! Have a good one,nice reading.. Dave
Posted by kris it was good i would like to read more
Posted by Jeff MacDonald Sherman--go on with the story--it's starting to get good
Posted by Mike Don't bother writing more - this was total rubbish!!
There was no structure to it and the events described just didn't make any sense.
To make a story hot and horny we need to feel some empathy with the characters - we need to "get to know them" - in this story we don't!!
Go back to the beginning - start again!! Make your writing logical and progressive.
And please don't try going for the sympathy vote - so what if it is your first story - surely you can tell that it's very poor quality!!??
Posted by Mike And sorry - but I think the guys who have written the above comments are just feeling sorry for you!! The truth may hurt but hopefully long-term it'll make you a better writer!!
Posted by mark kirby great story so far hope to read more
Posted by xyz nice and horny story..........
lemme know what happens afterwards.....
you'll get the mail id
see ya.....
Posted by Patrick Yes I want to read more. Did you get fucked or not
Posted by Lucas OMFG!!! HOT HOT HOT!!! U Must write more!!!!
Posted by H I want to read more.
Posted by lousyjim its true?
It was a beautiful April afternoon. The sun was shinning, the flowers blooming, and men cruising. I was able to leave work early and decided to go for a walk in the local park. I was enjoying the fresh air as I strolled through the trails clearing my head of the pressures of the office. I had been all through this park before. I had heard this park was a hot cruise spot...