"Mark" a gentle voice said in my ear, waking me up from a dreamless sleep. My eyes adjusted to the dim light coming from outside. My head was resting on Matt's hard, smooth chest. I turned to look at his perfect face, he was smiling, his bright, light green eyes staring back at me. I reached under the covers and held his hard, thick, smooth dick in my hand. He chuckled and moaned at the same time. "We gotta go to school, babe"

"Nah" I said resting my head back on his chest and pulling myself closer to him, my dick rubbing against his naked leg.

"Yah" he said as he ran his fingers following the muscles in my back. I kissed his perfect lips and smiled.

"I still think I'm dreaming"

A sudden sharp pain in my wrists made me shut my eyes. I opened them in spite my pain because i felt Matt was no longer there. "Matt?" I asked silently, but there was nobody there, and my room somehow seemed completely different, the same, but different. Dead in some way.

I then heard the water running in my bathroom, had it been on all this time and i just noticed or did someone just turn it on?. I started walking towards it, my chest tingled with fear. My body was on alert, it knew something wasn't right, that something was about to happen.

I entered the bathroom, the curtain was shut and the room was filled with steam from the hot water running.
"Matt?" I asked, hoping I was wrong and everything had really happened. No reply.
I stretched my arm slowly towards the curtain, afraid of what i would find, afraid of finding i was dreaming.

I pushed the curtain aside and opened my eyes in shock. Lying on the floor with hot water falling over him was my body.
I looked at myself, my wrists bleeding, lying unconscious on the floor.
I felt fear, pain and confusion at the same time. What was happening? Was I dead and all this was like my heaven?

"Matt?" I asked, somehow knowing he wouldn't answer. Something was wrong. I was dreaming; I knew it couldn't be true, I wanted it to be, but it wasn't.

I closed my eyes, feeling the hole in my chest opening again, fast and strong. At the same time my wrists throbbed in pain. I closed my eyes.
"Wake up. Wake up, Mark. Wake up" I kept saying, trying to make the nightmare end. I opened my eyes and I was in a bright room.
"Mark?" a soft voice said. It was Matt's, who was standing next to the bed I was lying on. "Hey! Somebody! He woke up!" he started yelling.

"Still.. dreaming?" I struggled to say. I felt dizzy.
"No!" Matt said, his perfect face was distorted with joy and relief. "Why'd you do it, Mark" he asked in horror.
"What" I asked, still dizzy.
"Why'd you try to kill yourself" he said in my ear as he tried hugging me; it was awkward because I was too dizzy to move and hug him back, but it still felt nice. Then I realized what he had said, and the image of me unconscious in the shower, bleeding, flashed in my brain.

Why would I do that? How could I do that? I imagined my mom screaming. I felt so ashamed, and then I remembered.

I started crying and I couldn't stop. The hole inside my chest had taken my entire body; all the pain I had buried had blown the walls I had built around it; now I couldn't hide it any longer. It hurt too much. "Oh God" I said pained as I thought of Matt and Charlie."Please kill me" I begged. I didn't want to feel anymore.

I had taken a blade. The warm water kept falling. I cut one arm, I was in a trance. I cut the other.
The water fell on me. I waited.
It hurt. The warm water tried washing away the blood. Pain. Darkness.

I returned to the bright, hospital room. Now next to Mark were my parents. “Oh baby! Why!” my mom cried as she laid her head on my chest. My dad looked worried and relieved. I was too ashamed to look at him and to pained to look at Matt, I knew it couldn’t be real. I knew I would never be with him. I looked away, tears filling my eyes.

Naturally, my parents made me go to therapy. It didn’t do much because I wansnt the sharing type, however I did tell my parents I was gay. They cried but took it really well.
Life after a suicide attempt was difficult, I didn’t find life unbearable anymore because now my secret was known by my parents, and I had their support.

In school, teachers, friends and classmates treated me like I would break, so they laughed at absolutely everything I said ( I was funny but even I had my share of bad jokes), everyone tried helping me with everything, it was really annoying. Even Ms Bitch was extremely nice to me, I didn’t know she could be. The only good thing about this was that Matt never left my side.. I wasn’t sure if this would be good for me or not.

“Hey Matt” one day in Lit class I said.

“Yeah, bud” he turned to see me. The situation was bittersweet; I had imagined everything that had happened, but while I was in that imaginary world it felt so real that it made me feel better inside.

“Did you?” I stopped. If that hadn’t happened either I wasn’t sure how he would take it. Although I was the suicide guy so I don’t think he would stop talking to me if it hadn’t happened.
“Did you make out with Charlie?” I whispered as the teacher went on about the romans. Matt looked at me shocked as my heart beat hard in my chest. I looked at my wrists, there were pretty bad scars on them; doctor said they would never completely erase, but at least they had healed
“That’s why you did it?” he finally asked. I looked at him horrified.´
“It happened?” I felt the hole inside me open violently.
The bell rang and without missing a beat, everyone stood and started out the door. Except Matt and me.
“That’s why you did it?” Matt’s face was filled with guilt. I didn’t know how to respond. “I’m sorry” he said quietly. “So you’re gay too?”
I looked at him, my heart stopped beating and It was hard to breathe. The hole in my chest filled with the hope that my dream was becoming real,that he made out with Charlie because he wanted to be with me.

“Why did you make out with Charlie?” I blurted. He shook his head, he was as surprised and confused as me.
“Because- because of you” he whispered.

“I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright
Sun-Shiny day…”

END

**************************************************
Hey guys, At first I thought of changing the ending cause it seemed a little fairytaily, but at the end i liked it so i hope u liked it too. Heres a "sneekpeek" of a story im writing now.

Life is like a game of Solitary Spider. You have ten cards in front of you… ten possible roads you can take, and each one has other cards behind them. You’re trying to complete the full set of cards descending in number, so you take one of three Aces you have in front of you, revealing another card in front of you. You wonder if the Ace you took was the right one, so you undo your move and check what card’s behind the second and third Ace. This may be cheating, but since you’re playing against yourself it doesn’t really matter. So you undo your moves throughout the game, trying to make the best choices to complete the game quick and with the most points.

The difference between Solitary Spider and life is that in life… you can’t undo your moves.

“I love you.. please!” John cried to the intercom. “Please forgive me, please, please!” he begged. No answer from the other side. The cold outside felt even colder as John stood begging to the intercom, begging for the person on the other side to let him in, begging for forgiveness.

“Just… go. Leave me alone” a cold voice finally answered. John trembled as he heard he was no longer on the other side. John rang the buzzer over and over... but nobody picked up. He cried as he collapsed on the building stairs.

COMING SOON: Solitary Spider