Confessions: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The day had finally come. At last I would be getting out of this hellhole of a school. I stood behind Natasha Samuels as I waited for my name to be called. I felt my palms sweating torrents, and my temperature rise. I don’t know why I was so nervous, I mean after all I had waited for this moment for like my entire life. I was lost in a daydream when the sound of my name being called broke my train of thought. 

“Julian E. Scott!” I heard Mrs. Baxter say as the crowd broke out in boisterous cheers. 

My legs felt like spaghetti as I ventured across the stage to accept my diploma. However, at that one moment, all of my nervousness wore off as I approached Mrs. Baxter and took the diploma, shaking her other hand with my free hand. The crowd continued to applaud as I walked off the stage. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I took the final step off the stage and returned to my seat and sat down. 

“Congratulations buddy.” I heard Damien say from behind me as I took a long and deep breath. I turned around and stared in his piercing green eyes as I replied.

“Same to you.” I said enthusiastically. 

I didn’t know what it was, but something about Damien seemed different that night. He seemed to be a bit more mundane, somber even. I have known Damien Cain sense we were both tikes playing in the sand box. He and I are really tight and know each other like the back of our hands, even though we began to drift apart during this final year in high school. We had been through virtually everything together, from the loss of virginity to our first pubic hairs. Hell, we were practically brothers. Damien and I both are decent looking fellows. We both have very athletic bodies from years of football. We are both about the same height, around 6’3”, but my build and body frame is a bit larger and wider than his. I considered myself to be a rather good-looking fellow. I have baby blue eyes and spiked blonde hair. My facial features are very statuesque and well defined. I often get that I look like a cross between Matt Damon and Brad Pitt. As I mentioned earlier, I have a fairly sculpted body that would put most Hollywood actors to shame. Damien is also a good-looking guy. Damien has the most radiant, tanned skin that I have ever seen on a guy or girl before. His facial features, like mine, are very well defined. He has the most scary looking light green, almost pale eyes that sends shivers up your spine if you stare into them long enough. Damien has the most perfect, day-glow teeth that I have ever seen and has long, black, silky hair that cascades down his back to his buttocks. He and I are defiantly a sight for sore eyes. Girls would occasionally swarm us when we would go to the movies or hang out at the mall together. I jumped at every opportunity that I could to hook-up with a girl (when I wasn’t involved in a relationship) and tried to get them in bed. So yeah, I was sort of a playa, nothing I am too proud of, but what can I say, I am an 18-year-old teenager that suffers from inexhaustible hormones and a terminal hardon. 

Damien never seemed that interested in girls to me, even though I had seen him talking to and kissing a few. When girls approached us, he would always flash one of his perfect, coy smiles and remain silent as we collected phone numbers. Even then I thought nothing of if. Damien was a fairly shy dude, even though he had the potential and looks to be a supercilious asshole. But fortunately, neither of us acted arrogant and as if we were God’s gift to women. I watched as Angela Wilkins, the very last person in our graduating class crossed the stage. 

“Congratulations to the class of 2001” I heard Mrs. Baxter scream over the relentless cries of the crowd. By now there were hats and tassels flying everywhere, and we were all going wild as if we were in a riot. I felt a hand grab my shoulder, and I almost intuitively knew that it was Damien. 

“Time to party!” he yelled to me in an attempt to shout over the crowd. 

“Hell Yeah” I screamed and tossed my cap somewhere in the audience. 

By the time the screaming and celebrating subsided, people had already started leaving the gymnasium and broke into smaller crowds, chatting and laughing away as they exited the building. After what seemed like hours of weaving through a maze of human bodies, I finally reached the parking lot where Damien and a host of our mutual friends were huddled. 

“So what the fuck are we gonna do tonight?” Zane yelled as if he were trying to scream to someone across the road. 

“I’m up for whatever” I said as I jumped on the hood of my black pick-up and leaned back on my elbows. “What about going to the park or beach?” I heard Natasha say as she embraced Zane and began rubbing on his chest. “I know somebody that can let us into the park” Natasha continued. “That would be our best bet sense we’re not supposed to have alcohol on the beach” replied Zane. “We’re not supposed to have alcohol in the park either dickhead” Natasha retorted as she punched Zane in the arm. I was just sitting back relaxing and smiling when I noticed Damien standing a bit farther from the crowd looking downward with an almost grave look on his face. Instinctively, I got off my truck and went over to ask him what was the matter.

“What’s up Damien, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, just thinking” he said still looking down at the ground.

“Dude, you were never a good fuckin’ liar and you still aren’t, so tell me what’s up?” 

“I said nothing” Damien replied getting a little defensive.

“Whoa, guess somebody’s PMS’ing huh?” I said as I grabbed him by the shoulder. Damien smiled slightly and then returned to his serious look.

“I’m just thinking about the future.” he said after a moment of silence. 

“You wait until the night of all nights to turn all mushy on me? How touching, I think I’m gonna cry” I said as I began to laugh.

“I’m serious” Damien said in a half laughing, half serious tone.

“Dude, you have the whole damn summer to worry about the future. I mean what’s to worry about? We’re fuckin’ adults now man, and we’ll be living on our own in one of the most prestigious fuckin’ colleges in the nation in just two short months. We’ll be gettin' all the ass we want, and you know we’re gonna rule the football team.” I said haughtily as I fiddled with the zipper on my gown.

“Yeah I guess you’re right” Damien replied, seeming to lighten up a bit.

“But now, we’re gonna go and get so fuckin’ wasted dude that we’re gonna have hangovers for weeks” I said grabbing Damien by the arm pulling him toward the rest of the crowd. I felt him stop and began to resist me as I looked back at him. 

“What now?” I said almost annoyed. 

“I don’t have any clothes to change into”

“No problem, you can just borrow something of mine. We have to pass my house anyway on the way to the park.” 

“Yeah, but how am I gonna return the clothes to you?” Damien said unsurely.

“Dude, you might as well stop makin’ up excuses. You are not gonna bail on us tonight. You’re gonna get piss drunk with the rest of us, and you can crash at my place tonight instead of driving clear across town to get home.” 

When I said that, Damien seemed to get a little tense and his arm tightened under my grip as we continued to walk toward the others.

“You two fags done kissin’ and makin’ up” Zane said sarcastically.

“Yeah, just like my 10” cock made it up your girlfriends pussy last night” I said grabbing my crotch. The little bundle of friends in our group began to laugh as I opened the driver ’side door of my truck. Zane’s smile faded as the crowd continued to laugh, and I could tell that I upset him a bit before I interrupted again.

“Look, c’mon guys, the nights wasting away, lets fuckin’ party” 

With that said, the little crowd began to disperse and go to their respective cars. 

“Hey Zane” I screamed over to his car, “Me and Damien are gonna swing by my place to change and we’ll meet y’all at the park.” I said closing my door.

“All right, but don’t take all fuckin’ night” I heard Zane yell as I started the engine, and began to back out of the parking space. I sat still for a second as I flipped on the radio and watched as everyone started to blast out of the parking lot like bats out of hell, blaring their horns as if they were fuckin’ retarded. Damien sat on the passenger’s side nonchalantly flipping through the stations of the radio as I began to follow the others out of the lot. 

“Man, I know that there’s something wrong with you, but you just wont say it.” I said to Damien not taking my eyes off the road ahead.

“Told you, it’s nothing, I’m just thinkin’.” He said, finally settling on a Radio station. 

“Dude, this just thinkin’ shit has got to go. Tonight is supposed to be fun, and you’re really starting to put a damper on it with this just thinkin’ shit. Look, tonight is our night, we earned it, we’re supposed to go out and do all types of stupid shit now to pay off our hard work. We need to do stupid shit so that we don’t go fuckin’ insane.” Damien began to laugh a bit as he unfurled his hair from behind his back. 

“I’m just wondering what happens next, where we all go from here.” 

“We go where we are supposed to. There’s no need to be worrin’ about that type of thing now. I’m sure that you are gonna go far in life, and besides, everything happens for a reason, so I just leave everything up to fate.”

“So when did you get so fuckin’ philosophical?” he said, laughing at my words. Something was wrong with Damien, I could tell. There was something that he wasn’t telling me, or trying to hide for me, but to no avail. We were like twins that had a psychic bond between us that signaled when something was wrong with the other. A long moment of silence passed before I replied, almost too late to even resume the conversation.

“Hardy har har, you’re a real fuckin’ comedian you know that?” I said rhetorically, as we sped into the darkness before us.