Posted by jack It was ok. Simple story but should have had more detail to it. Wasn't enough description for my liking.
Try seperating the actual speaking text from the story as well.
Posted by GayPhreak The spoken words need to be separated from actions. There were a lot of places where actions were in quotes. Also, it develops too quickly, out of nowhere one asks the other if he's experimented. Just my opinion.
Posted by Jankyn You get an A- for effort. Ur storie was rather too predictable. There was no sexdrama, no conflict or central tension. From 1 writer 2 another. BREW the Drama in ur next story, thicken the plot and give us a dick flogging, cock screwing, cum busting story. With luv.
Posted by Jankyn Oh! Write 2 me if u want to exchange stories, i do it wit other writers it helps.
Even though he had promised to be gentle, Will had crossed the line of no return, and as if someone had
turned on a switch in his brain, he began ramming his ten inches of hard cock in and out of Brian's ass with
an almost brutal ferocity!!!...
Dave Schuster, a beautiful blond college soccer player, seduces his teacher into giving him a "blow job", put when her husband finds out its Dave that has to "give it up"...