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Well, looks like my life is at the beginning of the end. My memoirs will lie here for all after me to read. To any readers, this story is not a happy one. It begins when I am younger, and simpler...

My mother was blotted out of existence by my crazy, religious fanatic dad. Apparently she went on a business trip and got drugged which led to her and another man having activities in bed. My dad then completely shut her out of existence. There was a police inquiry, but no evidence was found. It was as if she had never existed.

My story starts in junior high. I went to a slightly rich, and very religious school. I never enjoyed being Christian, but my dad had shoved it down my throat before I had learned to even speak. I was terrified of disobeying him. I would never get in his way, I would follow his orders. At school, I was a man envied. Star running back on the football team, girls fawning over me everywhere...I was also nice enough that everyone was my friend. However, my best friends were named Tyler, James, and Dylan. We all hung out after school, went to parties together, spent our free hours chilling. It was a good friendship. But I first started to come apart in our first sex ed. class. The teacher taught us about gay, straight, and lesbian people. James and Dylan didn't let the teacher talk about the gays, however - they just chanted "FAGGOTS! GAYS ARE FAGGOTS!"...and most of the class would join in. I would join in the first time, but later on I would mouth the words. That night, I looked online what it meant to be gay. And from then until very recently, my life became a living hell of lies.

Once I knew what it meant to be gay, I knew I was one of them. I also looked up faggot, and concluded that if James and Dylan knew that I was gay, our friendship would be over - even more, I would be ostracized. Plus, when I talked about the class with my dad, he agreed strongly with what James and Dylan had done. He then told be that gays would burn in the fires of hell, would pay for every gay thought they had thought, would be tortured for everything they surely deserved. I went to bed that night knowing that my secret would have to be kept a secret forever.

My dad would often go out to dinner with priests and other very religious members of the community. Whenever he left, I would let my gay side out with all that I could. I screamed to gay porn, let my hand go up and down my swelled 6 1/2 inch cock. I was in love with the porn starts, wanted them inside of me, would have done anything to be inside of them. I made sure never to cum, though, since I desperately needed to keep my secret. I stuck fingers up my ass, let them sit there while the other hand masturbated. But it would not be enough to satisfy my gay side. It wanted more. It couldn't be kept in the way it was.

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Home : Coming Out : Martin's Messages, : Part 1