Mixed Feelings

Here I am, sitting in this campus dorm room, not quite sure what to think of myself. I have always thought of myself as Andrew Norwood, regular guy from the midwest, making my way in the world just like everyone else. I have always wanted to meet that special someone and start a family.

At my high school in Kansas, I dated the sweetest, nicest, cutest girl in the world. Rachael was my world. Having dated her for 3 years since she accidentally set me on fire in my sophomore chemistry class, I knew her well. We never went all the way, despite her playing with my junk sometimes and occasionally putting my head in her mouth. We just enjoyed each others company so much I couldn't bear to be without her.

My senior year she began getting very anxious and frustrated around me. When I confronted her about it one day, she told me that I never "made a move" on her, and that she wanted some time by herself to think about things. This crushed me of course...I was confused because I thought that she was the one who was reluctant and coy. Was I misreading her the whole time? It seemed so certain that if she had put forth just a little more innuendo then I would have siezed the opportunity and buried her.

I was shell shocked, but I didn't have time to sit and mope about my broken romantic life, because I had been accepted on a nice scholarship to Kansas State University and had to move out immediately to begin a summer semester. My dorm room is certainly an uncomfortable space, and a primary reason for it is my roommate. His name is Blake and he is from some small town out in the middle of nowhere that I can't even remember.

He never shuts up about his stupid six man football team and makes the corny joke that his freshman year that the squad couldn't even "beat their meat". You wouldn't know it, of course, from all the pleasure he delivers unto himself every night in the dorm room; while I'm trying to sleep. The worst part is that he does it a couple of times a night, sometimes even three. Every time he does it he has to jerk himself harder and faster just to get off. Not only that but the sounds get progressively louder and I can even smell his sweaty country nutsack from my side of the room.

Despite suffering this abuse, it somehow makes me aroused just to be around a thick musky boy who's got sex on his mind. I don't want anything to do with him but being around his crotch and armpit stink all the time alerts something in my male subconscious. Something like: "you see what's here in front of you, stinking your room up? It's your competition, and his nasty cock has seen way more action than you sissy boy...so you'd best grow a bigger pair or get left behind."

The weekend after my midterms, I needed a break from school. My horniness and insomnia were on the verge of ruining my college experience altogether, so I made the 3 hour drive back to my hometown in search of some nostalgia. To my surprise, a lot of my old friends were back in town for the weekend. So my friend Eric's older brother hooked us up with a bottle of whiskey and an 18 pack of bud lite, and we went out past the city limits and had our self a fire and some drinks.

I played baseball back in high school and four of my old teammates were with me. Then there were two guys I made friends with in art class. We all knew each other, despite having come from relatively different social circles. Our class was small though, so everyone basically knew each other. Everyone except Ryan, whom I had met in art, was passing the handle of whiskey around in circle and taking big swigs until the whole thing was gone. Ryan of course was our designated driver and had the responsibility of hauling our drunk asses in the back of his pickup at the end of the night and safely delivering us home.

By the time we had last of the bud lite was gone, it was nearly 3:00am...the catcher and shortstop from my team were passed out. We had jokingly put their hands down each others jeans after leaning them against each other. This was standard procedure, and there is nothing more comical in my social circle than emasculating your friends by doing homosexual things to them.

Around 3:30 all the guys from my team had been dropped off and gone to bed, while Ryan, David, and myself were sitting in the cab of his truck. Ryan swung by David's house, wishing him goodnight, and now it was time to take me home. I was very inebriated and at that moment I remembered that I left my keychain in the middle of the field where we had been drinking.

I convinced Ryan to drive me back and we searched for a while before realizing that they were long gone and I wouldn't be able to get inside my parents' house. Ryan spoke, "don't worry about it man, you can just sleep over at my place, we'll find them with some daylight."
"Okay bro" I drunkenly obliged.

We drove to Ryan's house, and apparently I fell asleep on the way because I remember him waking me up when we had arrived...my head had fallen leftward over his console, my arm on his right leg.
"Wake up man, let's go to my room" Ryan insisted.
"Oh, alright, sorry" I fretted.

"It's really not a big deal" he assured, while leading me up the carpet stairs to his room. Ryan had a nice comfortable bed, big enough for both of us. When I staggered into the room, I immediately collapsed on the bed, face down. I rolled over and saw Ryan move about the room to feed his fish and turn his TV on. While brushing his teeth, Ryan loosened his belt and scooted his jeans down and off, tugging his boxers down haphazardly.

At this moment I was looking up from the bed where I lay, but not in an obvious fashion. Ryan clearly didn't know I was looking and I'm not sure he would have undressed like that in my sober company. He hadn't played teamsports in highschool like me, and was still kind of shy about other people seeing his privates. I'll never forget watching his underwear moving down and me wishing that it would expose him fully. It was such a weird feeling. I didn't ever feel that way about a guy. Ryan was good looking but I was certainly hetero, I mean, I dated Rachael for 3 freaking years.

The more I tried not to think about it the more I thought about it. After failing to reason with myself I had clearly worked myself wide awake and was continuing to watch Ryan brush his teeth. He spit out all the foamy mess and washed his mouth out. By now he was merely in his green boxer shorts and making his way toward the bed. I casually rolled over and said "what do you wanna watch?"

"I'm gonna put it on Family Guy if that's okay." Ryan replied. "It usually puts me to sleep and I'm not tired at all."

I felt weird again. It was like the potential for staying up late at night, sharing this special moment with my friend was making my heart race. I felt emotionally attached to the moment. I felt emotionally attached to Ryan, and I was still very horny. This was all so confusing, and I really didn't know what to do other than follow my feelings.

Ryan slipped under the comforter and I had done the same. Ryan, being noticeably more conscious of my own situation, asked "aren't you gonna be hot wearing all your clothes?"

I felt a tingle of excitement and a nervous twitch in my stomach. After a moment of silent, awkward deliberation I slowly eased my jeans down my legs and pulled them up from underneath the covers. They smelt so strongly of campfire smoke when I finally extracted them from under the sheets that Ryan looked at me and smiled, half laughing. I grinned and peeled off my t-shirt, leaving me only in my socks and tighty whities. Ryan reached over and turned off the light on his bedside table, leaving only the blue glow of the TV.
"You going to sleep?" I nervously inquired.
"Ummm....no I'm not yet, I just wanted it to be dark I guess"

By now my teenage horniness had completely taken over and my underwear was starting to get kind of tight. I rolled on my side, facing Ryan, so I wouldn't pitch a tent with the covers. We lay there and had a short converstation about all the good times we had in highschool. We got to the subject of David and Ryan mentioned that David had come out of the closet as gay and actually messed around with one of the guys on my baseball team when he was shitfaced at some party that summer. I couldn't beleive it, because I didn't think there were any gay guys at my school, although I had always wondered.

"Yeah it was funny hearing about it," Ryan explained. "I don't know if Tommy thought that David was a girl, but David went to his room after a party one night and they did stuff".
All these details were so juicy to me, as I had a completely stiff boner and wanted more.

While laying on my side and facing Ryan, I had one of my hands on my package, adjusting my hardon. I arranged it to extend as far out in front of me as possible. I still really didn't know what I was trying to do, but moreover wondering if anything might happen between me and Ryan.

I inched closer to Ryan while he lay face up watching Family Guy, my boner protruding in his general vicinity stealthily under the covers. Our conversation had died out because Ryan was half asleep and not saying anything. I got closer to him, and with every inch my dick got even harder. I finally got close enough to feel his body heat, so I pulled up the covers and looked down to see my progress. My bulge was actually touching his loose boxer shorts and close to his skin.

I looked over and noticed that Ryan had gotten somewhat of an erection since he fell asleep and it was poking out his boxers and facing away from me. I moved my hand beneath the covers over his crotch and felt the warmth in the air coming from his genitals. It was noticeably warmer than the rest of his body. This turned me on, and I got the courage to cop a feel.

My hand slowly descended onto his now rock-hard penis. I heard him gasp just a little bit...almost like a soft whimper in the dark room. My heart nearly went into my throat, but I didn't release my grip on his cock. Instead I looked up at his face to see his eyes were still closed and he was still asleep. I was getting pretty tired now and starting to pass out, but I kept my hand on Ryan's package. I'm not sure how much time had passed but it was still night, and I had moved closer to Ryan under the covers while sleeping, my hand now on his bare stomach. I could feel him slowly inhale and exhale, and looked up at his face to see he was still asleep. I could feel the entire wartmth of his body against mine and I felt something that I never did with Rachael. His skin was soft and smooth, but his body was hard. It was so much different than touching a girl, I couldn't get enough. His skin was so delicate, but firm, I scooted closer to him and slid my right leg under his left as he lay face up, unconscious. Then I followed the urge to press my crotch against his hip, my erection now poking out of the top of my briefs. It felt like nothing else. I started to hump his side, and I could feel the tip of my penis gliding across his body.

Suddenly Ryan twitched and made a moaning sound. I nearly had a heart attack despite being only nineteen years old. Yet I looked at his face once more and he was fast asleep. He must have been dreaming about something. After twitching a little and making some noise Ryan rolled over on his right side, his butt now facing my bulge. It was risky, so I decided that it would be best not to try anything crazy. After several moments of gently running the back of my hand across Ryan's tight back muscles I drifted unconscious again.
Like many sleepless nights I awoke and it was still night. When I glanced at the blue light of the digital clock it said 5:41am. But what immediately took me by surprise is that I noticed Ryan's boxers were gone. He was completely naked under the covers with me. Without much hesitation I slid down my white hanes briefs and freed up my boner. Now I could feel his ass right in front of my pelvis. So I very carefully moved in.

My cock touched his buttock and I thought I was going to cum all over him right then. After a moments hesitation I adjusted myself down there and nestled my penis right between his cheeks. I had no idea that Ryan was so physically fit below the belt. His ass was really firm, not fatty at all but instead a thick cut of lean muscle which retained its shape even as he lay on his side. His thighs we so much thicker than I had imagined, because he never wore revealing athletic shorts and I had certainly never been this close to him before.
Moving closer now my balls were touching his backside and I had wrapped my left arm around his torso. It was a hot night, and Ryans butt was pretty sweaty. My dick worked its way farther until it was snug between his muscled cheeks. Running my hands up and down his back and shoulders I started to thrust up and down. Not entering his ass, for that would surely wake him up and no doubt freak him out; but instead running my shaft in the sweat lubricated trench of his smooth butt.
Then something happened that really surprised me. I could feel his ass press back against my hardon.

I don't know whether this meant that he was awake or that he was just reacting to my humping. Either way it got me excited but after a moment or two I chickened out and stopped moving. At that moment Ryan stopped moving. I decided that my fun had to stop there and it really wasn't worth compromising our friendship just so I could get off for one night. Hell I'm not even gay, why am I even in this predicament?

I retreated, although not significantly. I just couldn't abandon the sensation of our naked male bodies touching each other. I wanted it to last forever. Slowly I fell asleep again, now with the clock reading 6:06am, I could hear the first birds of the morning. Before I become totally unconscious though, I felt something. Ryan was rolling over to face me, so I pretended to stay asleep. Though I could see nothing, I could feel the cool air conditioning penetrate beneath the covers and Ryan lifted them up...as if to look down at my erect penis. After Ryan set the covers down again, I felt him move across to me.

Then the unexpected happened. His head dove down straight for my crotch and his wet lips gulped down my dick. It was a crazy feeling. Nothing like the 'blowjobs' that Rachael had half assed. My cock was completely wet and Ryan was absolutely going to town on it. It was getting harder and harder to fake my sleep and the sensations from Ryans wet mouth were making me twitch and flex my dick. This did nothing to slow Ryan down, and he continued to suck me off.

As the day started to break into his room I was in his bed, naked with him, getting my cock sucked by one of my closest friends. The ecstasy was rivaled only by my confusion. "Why am I enjoying this?" I thought. "Am I gay? Am I just really horny?".
Before long I was due to climax. Still not willing to show that I was awake, I came in his mouth with little warning and I could feel him slurp it down. When I was done, he sucked every last bit of jizz off my dick and then got up and got in the shower.

We never talked about that night, but every now and then Ryan and I will exchange a curious look. We are still good friends, but now I am back at KSU in my dorm room, at 2:00 in the morning listening to Blake whack himself off once more. So why fight it? I pull my dick out and start jackin myself across the room from him. He pauses for a moment to see what I'm doing, then continues...