Posted by Aj This story could've turned out to be hot and steamy but instead it went way to quickly. You couldn't connect with the characters, most of the diolouge was dumb, and the point of view was very strange. Next time slow down, drag out the sex scenes more, add some more cahracter development, and think about what the people would really say, or else the diolouge will be really cheesy.
Posted by JIM ALL YOUR STORIES ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT. LOVE THEM ALL KEEP IT UP AND I MEAN "IT"UP