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This is the fifth instalment of rolling in the deep and as usual feel free to leave me a comment or send me an email with your opinion on each chapter. This chapter takes place a few weeks after Danny has been sectioned and Alex is trying to get on with life without him, Enjoy! (ORIGINALLY THIS WAS A SEPARATE CHAPTER, BUT I HAVE NOW JOINED IT WITH PART SIX BECAUSE PART SIX WAS TOO SHORT IN MY OPINION, BUTTTT, THAT MEANS THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GOING TO BE THE LAST SADLY)

The last few weeks had been hell. Not having Dan and knowing I wasn’t going to have him for a long time was killing me. High school had started again and exams were coming up which didn’t help. I kept seeing his face that night in my head, how upset he looked, how I could see the hurt in his eyes. Me and my parents had managed to clean the house up but I didn’t care about that. I just wanted Danny back.

I woke up for school on Friday morning, most people would probably be happy it was the weekend but for me that meant sitting alone, trapped with myself, contending with my memories and fears. My parents would probably be out over most of the weekend, work and meetings and shit. I rolled over expecting to Dan lying next to me, his beautiful blue eyes reflecting the sun shining through the window, but he wasn’t there. I climbed out of bed and rubbed my eyes before heading to the shower. Dan always talked about how much he loved showers, he would spend ages just letting the water fall over his body. I stood under the jet of steamy water letting it glide over my shoulders and run down my body. According to Dan showers are a place to think, well I really didn’t want to do that at the minute so I found something else to do in the shower instead.

I lifted a bar of soap and rubbed my hand on my dick, feeling it start to get hard. I rubbed it slowly and gently, the same way Dan would always start of, I pictured Dan the way he had looked the first night we had sex, he looked so happy and secure. But then my mind was flooded with images of the way we had found him that night, lying on the floor, everything wrecked. I gave up on trying to pleasure myself and stepped out of the shower. I quickly dried myself of and went back into my room closing the door behind me. I picked out the boxers Dan had worn one night. I stood just smelling them for a while, it seems weird I know, but really this was all I had left of Dan, and just knowing his cock had been pressed against this made me happy in some way, they smelt like him. Finally I pulled them on followed by a pair of shorts which showed the bottom of my toned legs. I threw on a t shirt and left.

It was a warm summer day and the sun split the trees overhead. I could feel myself sweating already. The trees rustled slightly in a warm breeze. This would have been the perfect walk if Dan were here. I arrived at school and sat at my normal table, just a couple of my guys and their girls, I had been trying to stay pretty quiet and keep a low profile, but it didn’t work. I seen people lowering their heads when I walked through the corridors, whispering and making jokes. All I could do was ignore them, pretend they weren’t there, I had to take their insults and wait for Danny to come back to me. I saw Kevin a couple of times through the day but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, knowing what we had done to Danny. I felt a firm hand on my right shoulder and turned to see my friend Brian, I hadn’t seen him since school started again, “Hey Alex, eh, I’m sorry to hear about, well you know” I could tell he was awkward about the situation but I couldn’t really tell if his sympathy was genuine, Brian wasn’t exactly the sentimental type, he was a pretty self obsessed teenage guy who only cares about satisfying his urges with any pussy he can get. I hated guys like that, treating the people they fucked like shit, dumping their cum inside someone then pulling up their zip and walking away until the next time they feel that familiar call from their “manhood”. With Dan and I it wasn’t like that, I loved him, and he loved me, and that’s why we made love, in our bed.

With slight delay I replied to Brian, “Don’t be sorry, it’s fine really, I’m moving on, I’ll be ready for him when he comes back”. I hoped my word were true, but a very large part of me doubted myself. “Yeah sure, whatever you say dude, I mean, if he comes back that’s great, listen we’re having a party at my place tonight, you should come take your mind of things” “I don’t know, I don’t feel like it” Brian placed his hand on my chest. “Listen, Alex I’m not taking no for an answer” Then he walked away calling back “I’ll see you at nine”. I was annoyed that I was going to have to go now, and why did he touch my chest? He never did that. I hoped he didn’t make a habit of it because for some reason I didn’t like it when he touched me, even if it was just in a friendly way. The rest of the day dragged in slowly, when the bell screeched at the end of the day I wasn’t sure whether to be happy to get home or start counting down the hours until I had to see Brian again. The walk home was similar to my walk this morning, my hair blew slightly in the gentle breeze and I could feel the sun beat down on my face, Kids were out playing with their friends, parents playing with their children, couples out holding hands on a romantic summer walk, it made me feel sick, that should be me, it should be Danny, he shouldn’t be sitting in that horrible old place. I cast him to the back of my mind and concentrated on trying to somehow make the most of this beautiful day.

I stepped through the front door to be welcomed warmly with silence, no one saying welcome home honey, no hellos or how was your day. I threw my keys down and headed upstairs to lie down. I tugged my t shirt over my head exposing my sweating body. I kicked of my shoes and pulled off my shorts before climbing into an empty bed, and it really did feel empty, in just the short time I slept here with Dan, he made it feel warm, now it was cold and empty and I had no one to put my arms around. I lay on my side with my eyes wide open just staring at the door, waiting, hoping, somehow expecting him to be standing there looking at back at me, it was childish and impossible, but it was this hope that was keeping me alive.

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Alex awoke to find himself in a strange room, one he didn’t recognize, there were posters of New York, the room was brightly lit and well decorated, there were pictures of Alex and a good looking guy with bright blue eyes and short blonde hair. The stranger with blonde hair was looking at Alex with love and admiration in his eyes. Alex stared at the photo wondering who the beautiful boy was and why he was looking at him like that. Alex found himself smiling as he looked at the photo, after gazing at it for a few minutes he turned to look around the room, the sun was rising outside and the sky began to light up with the beginning of a new day, the distant sound of a radio could be heard in the background, Alex didn’t focus on that and instead set his mind to working out where he had woken up and how he got here. Alex looked around but soon found himself listening to his surroundings instead, not only could Alex hear a radio but he thought he could hear the sound of water falling, he took no notice.

The photos on the wall had disappeared, Alex found himself not even questioning their disappearance, instead he just continued looking around the room, Alex turned back to the posters of New York, the posters were still there but now the city appeared to be destroyed, the buildings had been demolished and only ruins of the once great city remained, the sky was black and no stars could be seen to shine above the fallen city, the only thing lighting the city was the glow of distant flames which put a red glow on the ruins. Alex turned away from the photos, but now the view outside the window was no longer the sun rising over a small peaceful street, it was now dark and deserted. Alex felt a feeling of despair, similar to the one he felt when he looked at the pictures of New York, it was like the pictures had come to life and engulfed the street outside, the darkness spread within the room and any remaining brightness which surrounded Alex faded. Alex panicked as he stood in the dark, petrified, too scared to move or breathe.

The sound of falling water stopped and Alex heard footsteps approaching. Light seemed to creep through a gap in the darkness, like light shining under a door. Suddenly a door did open and the boy from the photo stood, leaning against the wall, light seemed to surround his perfectly sculpted body, he stood with a towel wrapped round his waste, although Alex wished he didn’t, Alex craved to see what beauty lay beneath the towel. The beauty with the towel seemed to emit light, Alex instinctively moved towards the gorgeous boy and reached out to touch his smooth, hairless body, as he did Alex felt a sharp pain run up the length of his muscled arm before the light around the blonde haired boy faded, before the light completely disappeared, Alex noticed the boy turn his head to look at Alex with a face that showed fear and upset. Alex felt like he had seen this face before, something about it disturbed him. Finally the light faded away completely and Alex was left alone in the dark, anything he had touched in this room had vanished. Alex knew he had brought this on himself and it was because of him that the boy was gone and Alex was alone.

I shot forward panting heavily, there was dim light in my room as the sun was fading, I was soaked in sweat. I hated waking from a nightmare like this. I looked around to be greeted with the familiar sight of my room. I looked up at my clock and discovered it was almost eight. I lay back resting my head against the pillow, taking a few minutes to catch my breath, I couldn’t remember what I had been dreaming about, but whatever it was I didn’t enjoy it. I sat up again and stepped out of bed, sweat ran down my back and my boxers clung to my ass cheeks. I pulled them off and grabbed a quick shower, the sound of water unsettled me for some reason I couldn’t work out. I returned to my room and switched the radio on before getting ready to go to Brains party, God I was not looking forward to tonight. The radio played Friday songs and I found some of them actually almost had me in the mood to go out. I picked out some loose fitting jeans, and a plain shirt. I grabbed my phone and keys before leaving my empty house behind and walking away from the lights which surrounded by house to the quickly darkening neighbourhood.

I reached Brian’s house at nine exactly and entered through an open door, Brian always left his front door open at parties, he said anyone was welcome to walk in. I decided to avoid him when possible. There was really no one here that I wanted to talk to, guys who play girls and slutty girls who sleep around and shag anything with a pulse. I found myself hating the atmosphere more with each second and decided only alcohol was going to get me through the night.

Within an hour I knew I had already overdone it when I started to feel dizzy and found myself talking with random strangers and stumbling over obstacles which weren’t there. The hands flew round the clock and seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours and the night passed me by. By Three in the morning I found myself slouched on the sofa, inflicted with the sight of Brian leaning back on a chair across the room with some girl sitting on top of him, grinding her hips against his excited lap. “Ahh sleeping beauty wakes finally” Brian grinned at me, the girl on his lap flicked her hair to turn around and flash me a seductive smile before climbing of Brian leaving him alone to rub his cock by himself. She walked towards me and sadly I was too blocked to do anything about it, I sat still and watched as the Brunette made her way towards me, buttons undone, skirt making its way south. She flicked her hair one last time before mounting me and breathing heavily on my neck, I felt her hands glide over my chest before making their way towards my stomach, she rubbed curiously at my abdomen followed by her skilled fingers undoing my button and pulilng down my zip, I tried to protest but with no success.

All the drink now started to seem like a bad idea. Brian just sat and watched while his girl proceeded to stip me. She undid my shirt buttons before running her tongue over my chest and sucking at my nipples, her lips were hot and wet but brought nothing but resentment to my body, I was getting no pleasure from this but didn’t have the sense to tell her to stop. Brian got up from his first row seat and came towards us, he pulled her top off before undoing her bra and running his disgusting hands all over her body, I closed my eyes hoping to escape the horrible situation I had gotten myself into. Sadly it didn’t work, I heard the sound of a zipper being undone, it turns out that was the push I needed, I tried to push the slut of me and thanks to her slight intoxication it worked, she landed against Brian who caught her in a slightly inappropriate way, all I could do was run out of the room, trying to redo my buttons and claw up any dignity I had left. I raced home, sprinting threw the empty streets. Finally I arrived home and was welcomed only by the lights around my house, I ravaged threw my pockets finally finding my key, I opened the door as quickly as possible closing and locking it behind me, I fell back against the door and slid to the floor.

I had let myself down tonight, and even worse I had let Dan down, if he knew about this he would hate me. I heard sounds coming from the living room, scared of what I was going to find, I approached cautiously, creeping towards the living room, my footsteps covered up by the sound of the TV. I peered round the corner of the living room to see the fire glowing opposite my father who had his arm wrapped around my mother, they turned and smiled when they seen me. I was glad they were finally home, I was slightly less alone now. I tried to walk to them in a straight line before sitting down next to them, I leaned towards my mother and she put her around me, I heard the sound of their laughter at whatever they were watching, slowly the sounds of the night faded away and so did my awareness, for the first time in a long time I fell asleep happily, in the arms of someone who loved me.

That is how part five ends, part six is coming up…. Right now!

PART SIX … PART SIX… PART SIX… PART SIX… PART SIX… PART SIX

This chapter is going to be quite short since it is just an introduction to THE FINAL CHAPTER…. Yes, the time is nearly here to say goodbye, but don’t worry because the end is not here yet, there will be twists and turns right up until the very end. This is the penultimate chapter so enjoy! P.s continue to give your opinion however by this point there isn’t much point in suggesting ideas. Enjoy this but remember it is more of an introduction to the next chapter! The final chapter should hopefully go up really quickly after this one providing the site doesn’t take too long.

DANNY’S POINT OF VIEW

I stood alone in the small room and looked out the window at the discussion taking place outside, I could vaguely hear their words about forgetting the past and moving on with your future, living a happy life, like any normal person would do, after being here for the last few weeks I had heard that too many times now. Though the message had definitely sunk in, maybe I needed to forget my past and the people in it, maybe I needed to find a new future, somewhere away from the people I used to know. I withdrew my attention from the people outside and stared at my own reflection in the window, my blonde hair brushed to one side, blue eyes slowly regaining their brightness, I had put on some weight too, the doctors here had insisted I start eating again, I was feeling pretty great actually and nothing was going to change that. I was pulled out of my little daydream by the doctor at my door, “Daniel, it’s time for your consultation, this is a big day for you buddy, not much longer now huh?” “Sure, I’ll be there in a minute” I smiled at the doctor before he departed of down the hall. “Not much longer now” His words echoed in my head, without giving it any more thought I left my room and made my way to see my psychiatrist, made my way to the first step on the road to freedom.

I sat down in the small office opposite Jack, Jack is my doctor, he’s a nice guy, mid thirties I think. Not bad looking for his age either, short brown hair, styled with gel. His best feature would have to be his big brown eyes, I had spilled out my life story and all my thoughts to him over the last few weeks whilst becoming lost in his eyes. It was like he could literally see inside me, the way he looked at me, he seen through me when I tried to lie about my past, he knew when I was upset, he looked at me almost as lovingly as Alex did. Jack looked up at me from some paper on his desk, “Hello Daniel, how are you feeling today?” Jack smiled at me with his perfect white teeth. “Fine thanks, I feel much better, I’m eating more”. When I spoke to him about little things I felt proud, like I had accomplished something, he understood me. “I’m glad to hear that Daniel, honestly I’m very pleased with your progress, I think we only have a few things left to talk about before you’re out of here, so for today I think we’ll just go over some things quickly, I think we have talked about your past as much as we can, I think its time you started planning for the future.

Obviously you have missed your exams with being in here, but as long as you’re happy and healthy we wont worry about that, when we say goodbye to our patients we often recommend they leave as much of their past behind as possible, unfortunately you’re no exception to that, this Alex, it’s best for everyone if you just leave him behind, I know it wont be easy, but you could do anything you set your mind to, you know that” Judging from Jack’s tone in his voice, he was upset to have to break this news to me. I wanted to show him how much I had grown in here, I smiled at him and told him I agreed fully, Alex was in my past, just a school crush I guess. “I know Jack, I need to let him go, its best for both of us” For the rest of the session we just talked about what I would do when I got out, he kept reinforcing the idea that I had to leave Alex behind, he didn’t say anything about anyone else, just Alex. I didn’t bother to ask why, doctor knows best I guess. I returned to my room and sat back on the bed, I closed my eyes taking in the sounds of nature outdoors, I could hear birds singing and the gentle sound of distant voices chatting.

Part of me doubted whether or not I should leave Alex behind, I didn’t know if I could or would. When I thought about him it made me hate myself for wanting to leave him, I knew he had done all this for me, and that life on the outside world was probably hard on him now. Jack said he brought it all on himself, none of this was my fault and I deserved better. That was the only thing I disagreed with Jack on, none of this was Alex’s fault. I had gradually gone downhill after that night I came out. Alex was the only thing that preserved any little piece of sanity I had left.

The next few days went in pretty slowly as I waited for the day when I would finally be told I could go, I found myself thinking about Alex more and more as I came closer to being released. I couldn’t wait to see him, and hoped he couldn’t wait to see me. I remembered him telling me he loved me that night, and then desperately waiting for a reply which never came. My thoughts were broken by Jack knocking my door before stepping inside, he wasn’t wearing a uniform today, he was dressed casually in dark jeans and a shirt, he had left the top few buttons open revealing his smooth and perfect chest, he was quite hairy, not so long ago that would have been a major turn off to me but now, I guess I had grown up while trapped here, I found myself staring at his chest wishing I could undo the rest of his buttons. “Hey Daniel, I come with good news, your day is here Daniel, you’re free to pack up your things and leave as soon as I’m ready” Jack approached the bed and laid his hand on my shoulder.

“Wow, so I can go, just like that, honestly I don’t know where I’ll go though”. Reality had hit me hard and I started to question whether or not I would be able to face seeing Alex or whether that was all a fairy tale happy ending I had invented in my head to give myself false hope, either way, I was leaving today with no destination. “Well, actually that’s why I’m here, today is my last day here Daniel, I got a job overseas, I’m leaving tomorrow, and well, you’re the best patient I’ve ever had, I don’t want to say goodbye to you Daniel, so I want you to come with me”. Jack now slid his hand down my arm and onto my lap before getting up and leaving the room, as he reached the door he turned and said “Think about it Daniel, this could be the perfect way to leave your past behind, and start a new future… with me, The flight leaves at half nine tomorrow night, if you want to come with me, meet me in the airport before then, if you don’t turn up, I’ll know you’ve picked a new journey to take, on your own or with someone else”. With that he turned and left me on my own. I began packing my things while his words rang in my head. It was time for me to face my future, one thing was for certain, I wouldn’t be doing it alone.

If you have any questions about the story or anything just email me at jsmyth1231 at hotmail dot co dot uk I’ll reply as soon as possible :) TO BE CONTINUED in THE FINALE OF ROLLING IN THE DEEP

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