Ryan's Nostalgia - Chapter Two: Requiem

 "I'm leaving Ryan." He said this while we were laying on my oversized bed in a darkened bedroom the only light was coming from underneath the bathroom door. "What do you mean your leaving? It's only 7:30 babe." I said saddened. His hand gripped my own hand harder.
"Thats not what I mean, I'm not going to my house...My dad got a promotion. He's going to be the president of a Federal Reserve branch bank."

Those words hit me like a cold Arctic air gust. Pensive sadness filled my body. My stomach dropped, I couldn't speak, and I couldn't find anything to think of.

"Why d-d-d don't leave me Alec. I love you." I stammered out. "I don't want to leave but my dad thinks the world of it Ry. And my mom can maybe start her own practice or join another bigger firm." he said speaking clearly. "Don't you love me!? How can you speak so clearly and praising this?" I said angrily at his tone in the time of tribulation "I thought I was the one you've waited for so long..." he grimaced.

"Er, of course I love you Ryan. Don't ever forget that." he said with a pain in his voice. The unease in the pit of my stomach grew. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I got out my words that were building up. A blind rage at nothing.
"Babe calm down. But there is nothing I can do." nothing I can do stuck with me.

"No Alec." tears began to roll down my cheek. "Don't cry Ry, your going to make me cry." his voice beginning to crack. Alec stayed with me the rest of the night and when I woke up he was gone.

I drove my dad's SUV over to his house to find a huge truck and movers towing couches out. The yard was littered with bed frames and tables. I walked in uninvited and up to Alec's bedroom, former bedroom, he was standing looking outside his window. A floor board creaked as I walked in. He looked back.

"Some good news Ry. Dad isn't going to sell the house. Its going to stay." he said with almost no emotion "Well it's still going to be empty." I said sharply

He turned around and walked up to me, embracing me in a hug. His black hair brushed across my cheek. The tantalizing smell hit my nostrils. I couldn't hold back anymore. Tears rolled down my cheek again.

That night they were gone. Leaving their belongings in storage. Maybe someday they would come back but I had a high doubt.

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

JANUARY

My life had gone the opposite direction since Alec left. I became introverted at home and only talking to some of my friends. The epitome of my life was gone. Alec never texted me, messages me on Facebook, called me, or wrote me. He obviously didn't want to see me or hear from me. But I realized the mediocrity of it. I was only a freshman. And I had the looks to get any girl at school. Furthermore hormones were kicking in. And I liked cute guys at school but would settle for girls.

"Ryan. Your mother and I decided that you need counseling. You aren't the bright young kid we used to know. Ryan your only a freshman, love comes and goes. It happens. Maybe you did love Alec but life is life son. And I'd hate to see you throw that away." the words stung. The cuss I'm going to see a head shrink.

"Your right Pop. But things are getting better. I know Alec and only dated for two months but I loved him like you said. But I promise things are getting better. I even saw some eye candy at school." I felt good, free if you will. Also relieved because I wouldn't see a shrink. My dad bought my excuse.

Everything was true, save the romance part. Instead I focused on academics, sports, and friends. Soon my life was back to normal.

This process repeated for two more years. Things just kind of faded into the framework of life for an average American teenage boy, except for the lack of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Honestly I didn't like girls but would date one just to cover my true sexuality.

All of this was fine and dandy until one day I got a text message. The number looked familiar. I remember that day like a picture. Football practice just ended and I was sitting on a bench in the locker room after I showered. I was now a junior in high school. My body grew. For almost two years of athletics and weight lifting classes I had a strong physique. A toned core and upper body.

My shoulders weren't huge but my trapezius was quite pronounced. I was by no means "buff" or "swall" but I looked alright. I was also well endowed if you catch my drift. Ten inches hard. Anyways back to the story.
My phone vibrated. I swipe the phone to unlock it and read the message.

"Is this Ryan?" the part of the messaging platform where the name was supposed to be we're only digits.
"Yeah. Who is this?" I replied. Shortly thereafter my phone vibrated again. The number texted me a name that caused me to remain silent.

Malanchloy set in my mind. Shouldn't I be happy to see this name? An old friend? Or severed relationship?
"Alec." the text said

I didn't know what to do or say. So I left if at that. But he didn't.
"We're moving back."
"Hello? Ryan?"
"......"

Four messages was what he sent. I don't want more. I hated this former lover for leaving me and not having the courage to even make contact with me. Spurned from a man who said he loved me. I didn't want to talk to this man. I got dressed as fast as I could and stormed outside to my car to take off home.

I pulled up to my house. It was beautiful. A Palladian style white home with a portico. Acquired by hard work and living in America. I walked inside and to the living room. My dad, the 6'5" lawyer sat on the sectional in blue suit pants with stripes, he wore a white shirt that was unbuttoned at the cuffs and neck and a red tie with white stripes hung untied. Next to him was my mother. The blonde hair doctor, dressed in a pink short and white capris pants.

They were happy and got an education. I walked up to my room. A huge room with a huge wooden desk that I wanted when I was twelve, 50 inch LED tv that I bought with the money I made over the summer, my own bathroom and walk in closet. I had a perfect life, more than what a lot of people had. But I was sad. Mad. All because of the guy who left me.

I fell on my bed and cried almost all night because I didn't know what to do.

That morning I woke up early to go run. I ran the neighborhood for about thirty minutes when I turned on to Cherry Street. I passed the houses and come upon a familiar site. A 2008 Mustang GT500. I stopped and looked at it. Then something interrupted my thoughts.

"Ryan? Is that you?" I looked up to see a man with messy black hair, blue eyes that were almost gray, a strong jaw with some stubble, and the body of a chiseled god. "You got big." he said. It was Alec.
I ran off from the attractive man.
"Ryan! Wait! Wait!" But I didn't stop sprinting.

"I hate you
I wish to tear you away from me
This tumor that clings to my chest
The thing that makes me ache

That haunts my dreams
And tears at my desires
You have brought me only pain
My untamed heart
That beast that gnaws at my soul
That pitifully whines

Bringing my mind into unwanted pain
Yet how can I blame you
How can I chastise you when I listen intently to your pleas
Why should I punish you for what my eyes feed upon

How can I blame my eyes for falling upon her
She who brings light to the eternal darkness of my soul
She whose eyes bring me to subjection
Whose smile leaves me in awe

How can I blame you when my ears are met with her laughter
How they submerge into her song
How they quiver at her voice
Why should I punish you for inclining my soul

Tempting it with the one sense that has been forsaken by her
How could I look over the thought of the brushing of lips
The touching of hands
The binding of the soul, mind, and body
O you wretched heart

What am I to do with this constant companion
How could I tear you away
When she is the cause of my agony
Or rather
It is the lack of her which brings me sorrow
It is the need for her that leaves my heart in pain

Yet she is not mine
She was never mine
She will never be mine
O my poor heart
How can I make you see reason
When all you do is show me the truth

love love love love love love love
love love love love love love love"

Michael Silver