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: Erotic_Fiction : The Long Mile Shot II - total 9 reviews. 
Reviews 9 :
- read story, Author : Trigger Smith. PS: Reviews num is regularly updated.
The Long Mile Shot II reviews
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Posted by cj
That was a great part two. This is the best story I have ever read on this site. keep up the good work
Posted by Sebastien
The plot points are excellent and very compelling. However, I feel your transitions from plot point to plot point were underdeveloped, especially in the first part of this chapter.
I absolutely adore the cutesiness of Sean and Jake in the beginning. I love the fact that Sean and Jake couldn't fall asleep when they were seperate, so they slept together at school. Sean's stomach trouble was sudden, but the hospital scene was sweet and touching and kinda funny (when Sean slapped Jake). I kinda wished those lovey-dovey moments lasted longer.
The breakup scene was tragic and riveting. I liked how you explained Jake's moods as he fires his guns from the balcony. And I'm also impressed at your knowledge of firearms.
Jake's secret room was also very interesting, especially the message Sean heard when he opened it. Jake probably recorded it before the breakup...which means he was expecting Sean to crack the code.
To reiterate, I love all the plot points, but the transitions needs revision. Give time for your characters to develop before you advance the plot. These flaws are minor considering this looks to be one of the best story this site had to offer in a long while.
P.S. I very much cherish the personal email you sent me. I hope I don't disappoint with the final chapter of Cool Fools.
Posted by Ryan
This is the best story I have ever read on this site, and I'm not lying. The story is cute,sweet and loving all at the same time, but with that needed drama. I also like that the story isn't all sex, and that it's a actually story. So please continue this story is a masterpiece.
Posted by Jason Rivers
I loved how this ended, It was good a little slow but goo i love the back stroy the depth of Jake is amazing.
Posted by Anonymous
This seems destined to be one of the best stories on this site!
What worked: The breakup was brilliantly written, the recorded message was great, and Jake's depth/background is superb.
What needs work: I agree with another comment regarding the transition. I think the story moves a little fast and could benefit from spending more time on the development of each point.
Hope this feedback helps make your amazing story even better and I can't wait to see what happens next!!
Posted by Jac
Really story and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Jac
Posted by Jac
Really great story and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Posted by Bradley
This was a brilliantly story I loved everything about. But I didn't like the way it ended I hope there is more to this story please let there be more.
Posted by wow500
This sHit is so good. BuT where is the rest, wow this story is amazing. It is sO nice to read something_anything on thIs site w/ a real plot. I just read this story today and i dOnt know how long it has been on the web, but plEase finish...i dont know what inspires you dude, but whatever it is put it to work on your next story...u r0ck
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