Wishfull Thinking

First of all this story isn’t JUST about sex. There’s a whole story behind it. So you better leave now when you’re not interested.
You should know I can’t even tell you how old I am because I don’t wanna get problems.. you know haha
..alright and yeah according to that this is my first story so don’t be so harsh
I probably have more grammar and spelling mistakes than anybody else that’s because I am from Germany and my English is not he best. Sometimes I even had problems because I didn’t know which words I should use.. Well besides my stupid excuses I still hope you enjoy my story. leave me a comment and tell me what you think.. thanks

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Hi my name is Patrick. So this is the story about my best friend Justin and I. We have been friends since like forever and I can’t even imagine my life without him.

In fact we are completely opposites.. But he was always my role model and a hero for me. He is the captain of the football team and belongs to several other clubs.. He is so fucking popular and friends with everyone. Sometimes I even get jealous.. Not about all the things Justin has but more about the other people he cared about. I wanted to be the only one. Selfish huh?
But well he was always there for me.. to protect me.

Whereas I am well.. kinda a loser.
Starting with the fact that I’m so fucking shy and don’t have many other friends. Well obviously I’m gay. But I don’t have any experience with boys.. neither girls.
I don’t do after school activities. And I spend most of my time daydreaming of things that could be.. Justin is the only reason I feel alive. and if it wasn’t for him my life would be a total mess. Even when I told him I was gay he was still there for me. Justin told me that we’re best friends no matter what happens and nothing and nobody could tear us apart.
I’ll never forget this moment.

Honestly I always hoped that we could be more than just friends.
Justin really is a hunk. He has black hair and amazing green eyes. Sometimes he catches me when I can’t stop staring at him because I always get lost in this eyes. He is so beautiful. His body is to die for. I was often stealing glances at him in the locker room after our sports class. This was the highlight of every week for me. I never said anything to him about it. And he never asked me.. Well I’m sure he must have noticed ..

Stalking my best friend and daydreaming about him. That’s how I spend almost two years in high school.. I couldn’t tell him that I was so fucking madly in love with him. Well not because I didn’t have the guts to do it.. but also because I thought he wouldn’t react the way I wanted him to. I mean, he accepts that I’m gay but love is totally different. The last thing I wanted was to lose him.

Justin had many girlfriends through high school. And I was always there when he broke up with one and needed somebody to talk. We would go out drinking and it would always end the same way. Him telling me that girls are fucking complicated and he couldn’t stand another one of them.
Obviously that was the alcohol that made him say things like that but I kinda hoped there was more behind it. Wishfull thinking maybe.. I needed something to hold on to.. you know.

Well so here we were again. It was right before the last lesson started.
Justin leaned against his locker, which is next to mine. I saw from the corner of my eye that he was looking at me. I waited till he said something.

‘So Pat what are you doing tonight?’ he asked me casually
‘..Nothing’ I said trying not to sound that excited
‘Great. So we’re going out drinking?’ he said more like a fact than a question so I didn’t even answer. I just smiled to myself.
‘Well I gotta go to my English class’ Justin said while he stuffed one of his books back into his locker
‘Alright’
‘See you Pat’ and he walked away through the hallway.. I watched after him
how could anyone be so fucking perfect like he is. I would never get over this guy.

Completely in my thoughts I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t turn around but heard a voice saying ‘forget it. You can’t have him’
What the fuck was that? And who?
Sam Petersen placed himself right in front of me.
I never really talked to this guy. I knew his name because he was in some of my classes but we weren’t friends and honestly I wasn’t interested in him at all.
‘What did you just say?’ I asked him kind of angry
‘Well I can see the way you look at him’ now he laughed
‘WTF? It’s none of your business how I look at anybody’ I turned around and closed my locker. I didn’t want this conversation to go any further. I couldn’t believe he caught me staring at Justin. I passed Sam not giving him any attention at all and made my way to the classroom.
‘You better watch yourself’ he shouted after me.

This lesson I couldn’t really concentrate on the teacher. I was thinking about what Sam said to me. I mean it really is none of his business isn’t it. Why did he say that to me anyways? Maybe he just wanted to protect me but after all we weren’t even close. We never were friends. I couldn’t think of any good reasons so I decided to forget about it. I just hoped he wouldn’t tell Justin about it.. When the bell finally rang I packed my stuff and went to my car.

The day went by really slowly.. maybe because I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation with Sam. But I knew that I would meet Justin later.. so this fact kinda took it all away. I was really looking forward to this evening. Maybe we would just sit in a bar and stay there till we’re fucking drunk but that doesn’t bother me at all. Spending time with Justin is always good. No matter how.

So it was 9pm when the doorbell rang while I was waiting for Justin in the living room. When I opened the door he flashed that killer smile at me that I loved so much. He looked amazing as he was leaning in the doorway. I recognized he was wearing a black leatherjacket that I had never seen on him before.. well he looked really cool.

‘Hey, you’re ready?’
‘Yeah just a second’ I told him because I had to write my mum a message that it could get late.
I know.. childish but she always made mountains out of molehills..

‘Okay.. lets go’ I handed for my jacket and we left

We were going to the bar we usually went just to waste some time.. Justin knew some people there and we always got a few drinks for free. So there I was sitting at the bar with my little superhero that I secretly loved so much. I was really trying to act all cool and shit you know but the alcohol got me going..

‘What?’ Justin asked teasingly and laughed
‘Nothing’ I realized I must have been staring at him
‘Yeah right.. like I didn’t notice..’ he said and laughed again

I blushed and looked at my shoes

The rest of the evening we spend talking about school. Well it was mostly Justin who did the talking.. And soon he was telling me about football and about all the girls he had fucked.
Honestly I didn’t wanna know but I stayed calm and listened to him. Well you know while he was talking I could focus on his full lips that I desired so much..

Time went by and I felt really drunk. It must have been like fucking 2am and most of the people were already gone when Justin looked at his watch.
‘We better call a cab.. you know.. because..’ Justin muttered
‘Yeah.. none of us should drive anymore tonight’ I answered

So after I called a taxi Justin and I waited outside.
We were both really drunk and started fooling around.
‘Why didn’t you stop me’ Justin said laughing ‘..I shouldn’t have been drinking so fucking much? Now I feel like shit.’
‘Ooh. So now it’s my fault’ I acted pissed but had to laugh when I saw him smiling ‘..asshole’

<%PART%>

The taxi finally showed up and we got inside and on the backseat. We were still laughing and shit..
‘You can stay over at my house tonight’ I suddenly heard myself saying
I regretted it right after I did. Helplessly I searched for an excuse.. ‘You know.. so we can get your car tomorrow morning.. I mean-’
‘Yeah I guess you’re right’ Justin agreed

None of us said anything else and as I glanced over at Justin his head rested on the car door. I realized his eyes were closed. God I wanted to kiss him right there. He looked so fucking pretty and peaceful.. I had to force myself to look away.

When we arrived at my house I paid the taxi driver. I saw my mum’s car and thought she must be asleep by now. I went out of the car to the door on Justin’s side. He wasn’t really conscious and I had to get him out of the taxi. We went inside my house, as I was supporting him. I couldn’t make out what he was saying but he was certainly muttering. We headed to my room and Justin fell immediately on my bed. He just lay there.
‘You’re alright Justin?’
‘Kinda’ he simply said
‘Ok well..’ ‘you can sleep in my bed.. I’ll take the couch then’

Justin often stayed at my house so this wasn’t really strange. But he always slept on the couch and he never slept in my bed before. Part of me liked seeing him there.

I was on my way out of the room when I heard his voice again
‘Pat stay’ he said ‘just don’t leave.. okay?’
I turned around. Justin was now sitting on the edge of my bed. Even if he looked all churned up he was still so fucking sexy.
‘Can’t you just stay here for a while’
I smiled at him but deep in my heart I was already in tears..
‘No I can’t.’ I whispered ‘I’ll take the couch’

I knew very well this was my chance.. maybe I could get close to him.. but I knew I couldn’t stay..

‘What the fuck is wrong with you? Your bed is big enough. Why don’t you just fucking stay here?’ Justin said angrily. I knew the alcohol made him overreact this way but I couldn’t even look him in the eyes that moment.
‘You really wanna know why?’
‘Yeah.. tell me Pat’
‘Because if I’ll stay here I might do something I could regret later on’ I whispered
‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’ his voice got louder
‘Nothing.. just go to bed Justin .. you’re fucking drunk’
‘And you’re a fucking asshole.. I thought we were friends’

I realized my voice got louder too.. I didn’t care about it at all.
‘God Justin. Can’t you see that this is why I am acting this way? It’s because we ARE friends!’

Justin looked at me.. still mad as hell and not understanding a single word I just said to him. I was so close to crying right there because I couldn’t take it any more.
This was it. I felt my heart would explode any second. There was no way I would hold it back any longer..
I almost shouted at him now ‘can’t you see that I have to force myself here so I don’t get too close to you?! When I’m with you it kills me because I know I can’t have you. When you touch me it makes my skin crawl. And when I’m alone my heart aches for you. That’s what’s wrong with me Justin. Can’t you see that I need you so much?! You are everything to me and I am so fucking afraid I could loose you. I’m scared to death. I would die just to be with you Justin. I’m in love with you.’

By that time tears were running down my face. I cried so much I couldn’t really see the look on his face. The only thing I could see clearly were his green eyes.
I felt so confused and unsure but also relieved. My whole body was shaking when I ran out of my room.. I collapsed on the carpet in front of the couch and couldn’t stop the damn crying. In this moment I needed my best friend so much.. I needed him to tell me everything was gonna be ok.. I needed him to hold me. But my best friend was the fucking reason I felt so horrible. I cried myself to sleep..

I woke up as the sun was shining through the windows. I heard voices in the kitchen and saw that I was still wearing my jeans and shirt from yesterday. Everything came rushing back.

Shit. I told him.

My thoughts got interrupted as I realized it was Justin and my mother’s voice I heard in the kitchen. I stood up and went in there. I saw my mums back. She was making breakfast.
‘..Yeah I guess I should’ Justin said smiling to my mother.
He was holding a cup of coffee in his hands and didn’t seem mad or angry at all.

‘Oh Patrick’ my mum said as she turned and took a brief look at me ‘are you okay?’

I nodded but didn’t take my eyes off Justin. He eventually looked at me while he took a gulp of coffee.

There was an awkward silence where Justin just looked at me. I was trying to figure out what he was thinking.. but couldn’t. He didn’t make a single move. Then he put his cup down on the table and walked over to me. His expression didn’t change and I started to wonder if he could remember what had happened yesterday at all. He came closer and we were standing face to face when he leaned over. I felt his breath on my neck.
‘We should go get my car’ he whispered in my ear. I was puzzled. Well I didn’t expect this.
Without another word he walked pass me and out of the kitchen.