Changes part 3 : Blur

We meet Mark at the age of 18, lost and alone. He was burdened by a secret he kept from his friends, a secret of something he did not choose nor did he want to be... Gay
His parents knew since he came out to them at 14 but none of his friends knew, except his neighbor Brian who had become his fuck buddy… but Mark wanted more. He hoped he could be with someone who loved him back, he hoped Matt, his best friend, could love him back… the way Mark loved him.
Mark’s heart is shattered once he finds Matt and hunk Charlie making out in the locker room… Matt was gay and didn’t want Mark; he had nothing to live for. His secret and the crushing pain he felt had become too much to bear and suicide became the solution.

“I managed to avoid Matt all day and I didn’t talk to Charlie anymore. We ran into each other a few times and he would smile a cute, thankful smile. I would smile back.
On the last class of the day, which I had with Matt, I was surprised not to find him there, and also a little relieved. It was sad how our friendship had ended; if he was gay it would be too painful for me to just be the friend while he was with Charlie. I couldn’t do it.
Class ended and I was desperate to get home. I walked quickly out the school to the parking lot to get to my car. I stopped breathing and my chest tingled as I saw Matt resting against my car, waiting for me. “Oh no” I thought.
“Hey” he said. It felt weird being this cold with him. He was so beautiful, and then I remembered him with Charlie, trying to keep it together. I nodded as a greeting.
“Why are you being like this?” he asked after a few seconds.
“Like what?” I asked coldly.
“Like this! You talked to Charlie and he said you were cool with him, why are you ignoring me?” he looked hurt. I felt a stab when he mentioned Charlie.
“You have your boyfriend, what you need me for?” I couldn’t hide my jealousy.
“You’re my friend, Mark. At least I thought you were” he stared at me. Id never seen that look on his face, a mix between anger and pain. He looked even more beautiful. “And he’s not my boyfriend” he said quietly.
“You’re the one who decided not to talk to me. Ever since you stayed at my house” I barked. He looked down ashamed.
“I know. I’m sorry” I stared at him waiting for an explanation. He took a deep breath.
“It’s complicated. I freaked out” he said rubbing his neck.
“Why?” I asked aggravated.
“I’m not gay, ok?. What happened- I don’t know. I’m not gay” I stared at him silently, confused. He sighed frustrated.
“When I stayed at your house I had a dream.” He hesitated, examining my face. I was growing impatient.
“You know sexual…” he stopped again.
“Fuck, come on, Matt!” I snapped.
“With you!” my sudden anger vanished. I stared at him in shock. The hole in my chest didn’t know how to react. “So I freaked out… and then Charlie. I was never going to tell you ‘cause I didn’t want- I don’t want to lose you” My body was melting and my brain was confused.” Did he make out with Charlie because he dreamt of me?” I thought. Then I remembered what I did that night. (I touched and kissed him while he was passed out drunk on my bed). Maybe his mind showed him that. “What?” I asked quietly, confused.
“I’m sorry. If you wanna hit me or something it’s cool, I understand if you don’t want to talk to me again, but I thought if I told you why I was weird maybe you’d understand. I’m not gay” he was talking fast. I couldn’t process what was happening. Did he like me?
“Shit, say something, man” his face was hurting with expectation.
“Say it” a voice in my head urged me. “Say it. Say it. Say it!”
“I’m gay” I suddenly blurted out. His jaw dropped. “Guess now you have to choose” I meant he had to choose if he wanted to be my friend or not, but in case he was gay, I guess he did have to choose between Charlie and me. I pushed him gently aside and stepped in my car.
I saw his look of disbelief through my rearview window as I sped home.

That afternoon was painful. He hadn’t called me, he hadn’t send me any messages. I was dying to call him, to know what he was thinking. If he wasn’t gay would he reject me? It would be hypocritical of him considering he was the one who had a sex dream with me and then made out with Charlie. And if he was gay, would he choose me? Why would he… Charlie was way hotter than me. I wouldn’t choose me.
I woke up by a knock on my door, my room was really dark. I guessed it was around 8pm. I turned on the lamp next to me “Yeah” I responded to the knock while I placed my ipod on the floor. I turned to see who was inside and my heart skipped a beat.
“Hey” Matt said shyly. He was wearing his gym clothes... his black pants and his tight t-shirt.
“Hey” I said moving into a sitting position on my bed. He closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards the edge of my bed. I waited for him to speak.
After what seemed like hours he said “Why didn’t you tell me”
“How could I? I was sure you’d reject me”
“What! I love you” when he said that my chest melted and burned in pain and the same time “you’re my best friend, I’d never do that” he seemed sincere. We went quiet again.
“Are you?” I asked quietly, unsure of how he would react. He struggled.
“I don’t know. I did have that dream, and I did what I did with Charlie… “ he was confused.
“That doesn’t mean you’re gay” I said disappointed.
“Hmm.” He thought for a moment. “How’d you know?”
“It’s more than just sex. I mean… its how you feel” I hated sounding corny. We went quiet again.
“I think I am then…” he said quietly, looking at his hands. I felt a sharp stab in my chest. “Charlie thinks he is too so” the hole was deep “good luck” I faked a smile.
“What?” he was confused.
“Well… you like Charlie right? That’s how you know you are.”
“No!” he moved awkwardly to sit closer to me. “Don’t you see? I was with him ‘cause I had that dream” he was red and he looked down “with you”
The hole and my mind were confused. I couldn’t think straight, I still couldn’t believe he was gay. “I don’t…”
“I like YOU” he said looking at my eyes. “ I want you”
My entire body melted, my heart expanded. Was I dreaming? He slowly moved his hand and placed it in front of me. I slowly reached out and hold it. We looked at each other. I wasn’t dreaming.
I moved my face closer to his and stopped, looking at his beautiful face. This was too surreal. .

"I can't believe you're gay" I said smiling, looking into his dark green eyes. He smiled and gently whispered in my left ear "I love you".
I couldn't deal with what i felt inside; it was more than melting, the hole in my chest was filling up with my liquified heart.
I kissed him hard, biting his lower lip. He moaned with pleasure. I felt his thick, hard cock against my throbbing dick. He started gently moving his hips, rubbing his dick against mine as we continued kissing.

A knock on the door made him jump off me and my heart stop beating. I sat awkwardly on the bed and he quickly stood to look out the window.

"Yeah?" I said, my hands shaking from the fear I had just felt. I sighed annoyed and relieved when I saw Brian walk inside; his eager, bright eyes changing when he saw Matt looking at him.

"What's up, Bri?" I asked, although I had a pretty good idea.

"Uh- " he struggled to think on what to say as he looked shyly at Matt.

"Matt this is Brian. Brian, Matt" I said introducing them.

"Hey" Matt said cooly as he took a magazine from my desk and sat on the chair in front of it.

"Hi" He looked at me and I smiled at his nervousness. "I got nothing to do so i came to see if you wanted to hang out, but-"

"Nah it's cool. Wanna watch tv?" I asked, still a little shaky as I lay on the bed. Matt and Brian looked at me.
Matt was the first to move " Yeah stay, man" he said throwing the magazine on the desk and then lying on the bed next to me with his arms on the back of his head. I looked at him trying to control my laugh, apparently Matt sensed Brian was gay and was possessive of me. It felt nice.

I turned to see Brian, he was frowning and had a confused look on his face.

"Sure" he said, clearly unsure.
I had a sudden image of a threesome, but I quickly buried that thought. I couldn't have my dick going hard now. The threesome sounded really hot though. Perfect actually... but last thing i wanted was to freak Matt out.

" I should go" Matt suddenly said, standing from the bed. I could see Brian smirking beside me.
"Thought you were staying over" I panicked. I didn't want him to go. Brian's smirk disappeared.
"I am. I'll just get some clothes and my backpack from my house. Be back in half an hour. Later, Brian" he shot a dark look his way, and before leaving the room winked at me.

I moved over so there was more distance between Brian and me.
"Are you fucking him?" Brian suddenly accused. I looked at him and frowned "No. Why?"
He didn't respond, he just watched another skater get his leg broken.

Once the show was over Brian quickly moved closer, trying to kiss me.
"What?" he snapped when I moved my head. "I thought you said you weren't fucking him"
I stood and said "I'm not, but we're sort of-" I looked down, I wasn't sure Matt wanted me to call him my boyfriend, let alone let people know. Although it was Brian, my friend.
"Oh I see" he said bitterly as he headed towards the door.
"Bri, wait"
"Why! You don't need me anymore. You have your boyfriend, who cares about the guy you were fucking. “
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that-"
"Fuck you" he interrupted "You did know I love you". My body froze and his angered face relaxed when he heard what he just said.
I walked quickly towards him before he had a chance to run away, and hugged him. He resisted at first, but then gave in and hugged me back.
"Im sorry" I said quietly.
He responded by hugging me harder, getting my crotch tight against his. He slowly started lowering his hands towards my ass.
"Wow wait" I said pulling away. His face suddenly distorted in anger.
I had never seen his eyes look that way; so dark and mad. He walked out without saying anything else….”

What if Mark never tried to kill himself and the changes he saw in his mind while he was near death had actually happened, what if the relationship that came after Mark woke up never happened the way it did? What if they were never Torn… Brian and Charlie are not together and Mark and Matt have just discovered their love for each other.. What would happen if everything that has happened did not exist?
Everything has changed and the lives of Mark and Matt have taken a new course, a different course. Will they still be together in the end? Or are they really not meant to be?

Everything’s distorted; everything’s changed. Everything’s a Blur.