What the hell did I just do?

i guess i'll do another bit since it seemed to go over mostly well...
constructive criticisms appreciated...

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"you did what?!" chuck burst into a fit of laughter, almost falling off her stool.
"it's not THAT funny..."I tried to defend myself, but i could tell i was losing the fight.
"yes it is. you fell off the bed and rolled under the bed!" she said through her giggles, "how do you not see the humor?"
i sighed loudly and gave a rather rude reply.
"would it really have been that bad?"
"of fucking course. 'oh hello shaina. i'm just busy fucking your friend. could you come back in a bit?' really?"
she appeared thoughtful for a moment or two.
after a while, she said, "yeah that would be a bit awkward."

i grabbed my bowl of cereal and plopped down on the couch in front of the tv. i didn't really get into the program, because i knew that chuck wasn't done. it was just a matter of how long it would take her to bring the subject back up.

"so...was it good?" she asked sheepishly.
"the cereal was fine. no better than any other day."
"cut the shit jake. that's not what i mean and you know it."
i sighed exasperatedly.
"Come on. mel's been busy all week and i'm jonsing for a vicarious thrill ride. please jake? i'll beg," chuck pleaded.
"fine. no it wasn't good. it was amazing. it was better than i could have hoped for...but i kind of regret it."
"huh? regret it? you regret amazing sex with the guy of your dreams?"
"i mean...i didn't want it like that. i didn't want to be some drunk fuck at a party you know? i mean it was probably just the alchohol so why get excited?" i explained sullenly.
"ugh. not this again. he said he likes you. ergo he likes you. and if he WAS drunk, that just makes it more true. have you ever heard a good lie come from a drunk person?"
"i guess...shit. i need to get to work. mother fucker..."

so i passed a good chunk of the day at work helping stupid teenagers find their damn Miley Cyrus cd's or helping out old ladies find their grandchild some "good wholesome music". oh, i work at a music store in case you hadn't gathered. work ended way too late and i practically trampled the night shift trying to get out.

i got home and jumped into the shower real quick. when i got out, i noticed i had a text message. from ben.
apprehension and dread welled up inside me as i went to my inbox.
"what's wrong? did i do something?" the message read.
"i fired back a quick, "no it was my fault..." to which he responded "can i call you?"
i said yes and a minute or two later my phone started to ring.
"what?" i said flatly.
"jake...about earlier..." the concern in his voice was palpatable.
"it's nothing ben. i just kind of feel a bit cheap after getting nailed at a party by a smashed guy if that's okay with you..." i said maybe a bit too bitingly.
he was silent for a minute, then said, "i'm sorry. i didn't mean..."
"i know you didn't. but it doesn't make me feel any better." i mellowed a bit. "and it's not you're fault. i just...:"
"yeah...i heard."
"huh?"
"shaina kind of...told me about tom." he said guiltily.
"mother fucker."
"i'm sorry. i know that sex is kind of a hot issue with you, and i still...i'm sorry." he said, with apparent sincerity.
i was torn. hell, i was furious and ashamed and upset all at once. my mind was racing, dredging up rather unpleasant memories and drawing parallels between then and now.
ben broke my train of thought suddenly.
"jake...if you want, we could go and do something? a date i mean? if that's okay with you..."
"yeah. i mean i guess..." i cut him off. "let's hit the beach tomorrow and grab lunch."
we finished up the plan for the next day and i hung up.
was this just another horrible mistake? was i just palying the glutton for punishment again? or did ben actually care about me? my fingers moved unconciously to my side. but it was too late now i guess...

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sorry bout the shortness, but writer's block is a bitch...i have a general idea, but ehhh...