Posted by Rick Please don't take this wrong at all.. But you rushed into it way to fast. The story has a GREAT potential, but you just sorta rushed into it and readers dont like that.. Slow things down alot, get into details. Is this story about love? Lust? How did u first meet him? Ect.. Answer the smallest questions. Other than that, you have potential.
Posted by Calvin I assume that this is a true story...its certainly v. hot, man! Except like Rick said, you need to draw it out more...That kinda got me horny but it wasn't enough to get me off...
Posted by jerry I agree with Rick. This story had great potential if you got into detail. Remember when your writing about things that happened in your life, you where there when they happened, the readers weren't so we depend on the writer to add enough detail to draw us in as if we where there ourselves.
Posted by Romeo I agree, you went way to fast. Slow it down and add more details and you will have a great story.
I didn't feel anything for it because the story was over before I could start visualize myself there.
Posted by albsexy MMMMM I hope he realises what happened and wants some more . Good luck wait and see let us know WHEN it does
Theres no better feeling than being out on the road on your own, free to go wherever you want... Well there is but that comes later in this little tale of mine.