Fire in the Firehouse 17

Colby shot up and ran full bore to the railing, he got to it and stopped. "Oh, God, why? Why can't I do this? Can you tell me why? I don't want to go on, I just want to die," he spoke through his sobbing. Cory and Mitch were crushed. They couldn't take this. It was so painful, so deep, so heart wrenching.

Colby ran back again to the railing after bolting back in the road. He came closer this time. Then he began lifting his legs. He screamed out as though someone might hear. "Mitch can have Cory! He'll learn to adjust! All he needs to do is get beyond the fact its not me." He was sitting now both feet hanging over the ledge. His grip tightened in response. Fear and adrenaline tore through his body. He kept envisioning his death, hoping it would come fast and he'd go out with no pain. If only he could find that trigger.

Mitch and Cory heard what he said about the two of them winding up together. Neither had any hard feelings toward the other, but that's not something either of them wanted. They reached over and grabbed the other's hand without thinking. Feeling how wet their hands were from sweat. They were truly pulling from one another for support. They watched Colby rock and teeter on the edge, flirting with disaster. Their minds spun out of control with thoughts of seeing the man they loved meet his demise. 

Colby climbed back over seemingly out of nowhere, the other two watched and breathed a sigh of relief. They were hoping he'd come to his senses. They listened, hoping they'd get a clue to his next movement. they got their wish. "I've got to just run, jump and do it. Get it all over at once." They watched as he stood their debating. He ran as far as he could and began to sprint, almost ready to leap. 

Mitch and Cory, convinced this time would be it shouted out, "Colby, NO!" He froze dead in his tracks. Stunned by their presence. How, why, when? He couldn't figure it out. But to him this meant love and not finishing it. They were his enemies now and he wanted no part of this. His blood boiled.

"What the fuck are you two doing here? Go the fuck home! I'm doing this and you're not stopping me, damn you both!" More tears, more rage, but now there was love in the air-a dreaded emotion. Not now, not when he was so close to killing the pain. His heart ached and he wanted so bad to see his Mom. Why God, why? Why did they have to show? His mind filled with so many conflicting emotions. "Just stay the fuck back. I swear to God in Heaven I'll fucking do it right now." He took notice of the sadness across their faces and it tore at him. More than he cared to admit to right now.

Cory had enough. He'd been passive far too long. Something snapped. "That's right. Blame it all on you. You killed Mom. You killed Marie. Poor Colby. Well, guess what asshole, you die, you're taking a part of me with you. How's THAT for reality? I knew for years I had a family and I finally fucking get one and the brother I always wanted wants to take the pussy way out. Well, go on brave one. Do it. Leave me now. Let me live with this pain until I die. Kill me more inside. I lose my adoptive parents and now you want to join them? Why the fuck did I race half way across this fucking country then? Just to know you a short time and watch you die? Well, do it. Go on! Fucking jump. If I'm gunna have to live with this, better to start now. I need to learn how to heal and grieve all over again." Colby was stunned. It was like being yelled at by a reflection and there was no doubt, his brother spoke the truth and that made him more angry.

"Fuck you Cory! This ain't about you. Its about me and the pain I went through. Stop trying to fill my head with guilt. I'm doing this no matter what you say." His words weren't as convincing as he hoped.

"Then why are you feeling the need to defend yourself to me? Huh? Answer me that. If you're so confident, do it. I'm sick of waiting. Just what I need, more hurt and disappointment." He hoped his words would make an impact. He watched and waited.

Colby went the way he hoped he wouldn't. "Fine, fuck you both!" He walked over, climbed on the railing and hung over. He began lowering himself down, still not able to do it all at once. He was going to call their bluff. He lost his grip. "Help, Mitch, Cory, help me! I was wrong! I don't want to die! Please help me! Oh God, please!" He hung, feet and a good portion of his body shaking in the wind. He held some outer parts of the bridge. His heart pounded, begging to me jump out his body. 

Cory and Mitch flew to help. Mitch was powerless. His abilities were useless at a time like this. Empathy and premonitions couldn't do a thing in this position. The two men reached over, trying to reach the one they loved and cared for so much. They stared into one another's eyes, fear gripping them all. Colby was starting to slip, the empty abyss called his name and begged him to fall. 

The odds were stacked higher than ever now. Death was one heart beat away now. Colby began slipping. His lover and brother having nothing to offer him to reel him up. They were seeing his life slip away. 

In one fell swoop, he was gone. Mitch and Cory stood helpless. They couldn't see. The fog and darkness stole their final glances. The mystery hung in the air of his fate. The two men grabbed each other and simultaneously broke out in tears. They cried and screamed into the night. How could God let this happen? Why, damn it? Why?

***To be continued***

Footnote: Guys, I'm opening up here. Almost 15 years ago I was in a very bad way and contemplated what Colby was doing. I explored very deeply my own hell through him in this part. It was very rewarding to see how I might have felt. I was about 2 weeks away from going to San Francisco and jumping. Things changed and I came into who I was and still am learning. I don't know if I'd have gone through it. For the record, it had nothing to do with my being gay. Too much hell in my past. In fact, a lot of my life has come out through these characters. Nothing like Marie or being wealthy, its hard to put into words briefly. Just issues in school, acceptance, loneliness, wanting to end it all. Its been amazing to tell you all this through these characters. Now sit back and enjoy. Its not over yet! There's more to come!