My German Lover, Part 27, chapter 2

At that point I had resigned myself to the fact that our relation would be a platonic one, and nothing else. But at least we were together and I had him all to myself.

During the four weeks Richard spent with me in Martinique that summer, I never stopped laughing. We were having a ball and I was so happy! I’ll never forget those four weeks: they will remain in my memory forever.

June 23rd came much too quickly!

I was sad to see him go back to Montréal but, well…such is life, I observed to myself.

That day, as Richard had to be at the airport at least three hours before departure time, we left early after dinner.

It’s with a very heavy heart that I drove him to the Lamentin Airport.

I stayed with him till the last moment, and just before he was about to board his plane he took me into his arms and hugged we warmly.

“I love you pal”, he said to me… “And thanks for the most fantastic vacation I’ve ever had. Thanks. Many many thanks. That’s all I can say!” he said “Take good care huh? See you after Labor Day…”

“See you then Richard!”, I sadly answered…“ And you too, Richard… take good care!”

He slowly let go of me… then just gave me that lovely smile…

Through the large windows I later watched his plane take off with tears in my eyes. Then I walked back to the car and drove back home. Alone.

At one point on the road, I decided to stop to cry. For about half an hour, that’s all I did. Cry!

“Okay!”, I finally said to myself… “That’s enough.”

I calmed down… then went home.

As soon as I got to our house, I went to the guest bedroom where Richard had been sleeping… and I closed the door: I just didn’t want to have to look at that room for a while…

“Hey”, I heard my brother Robert say to me… “Dad and I are going sailing… are you coming?”

“Yup! Just give me a second so I can change…and I’ll be with you guys…”, I answered.

The rest of the summer went smoothly… and I must say my brother and I had fun.

Early in August my dad started to work on a series of lectures he had been invited to give in France next September and October… so he no longer had time to come to sail with Robert and me. But by then, we had become quite good at sailing our sail boat and so, we didn’t really need our dad to go out at Sea. And of course we were always sailing not too far from the shore so I guess there was no danger at all. Our dad knew that.

And during that period I also continued to swim train at Bagatelle… and had a chance to have many talks with Will and Paul…

I explained to them how come Richard was back into my life… and told them what had happened.

They didn’t disapprove nor did they approve. I think they just didn’t want to hurt me. All Paul said was:

“Jack… don’t burn your wings…”

I tried very hard not to think about what he had said, cause I knew too well what it meant!

My family had planned on going back to Montréal right after Labor Day, early in September, as my parents were suppose to leave for Paris on September 8th.

However on August 24th , it started to rain downpours.

Heavy rain caused the nearby village to flood… and for a while we had no other choice but to stay inside our house. Of course we knew we were right in the middle of the rain season… but shit! That was bad! And when Paul called my dad to tell him that Météo France had spotted a hurricane far away in the Atlantic Ocean that could threaten Martinique, that did it! Me packed everything and on the 27th we flew back to Montréal.

As soon as we got back to Montréal, I called Richard.

His mother told me he wasn’t home but was over at his new girlfriend’s house! “Marie something” she said… “I never remember her last name… but I have her phone number right here: you could call Richard there if you want…”, she added. “No thanks ma’am… that won’t be necessary… just tell Richard I’m back…”, I answered.

“Well… Welcome back Jack!”, she said…

“Thanks”, I answered.

Thank God I was all alone in my room. I slowly walked over to my bed and sat. “The party is over pal!”, I said to myself.

Once again, my world was crumbling! And once again I was feeling miserable!

I began staring out the window, not knowing what to do. For a while I just kept doing that… staring out the window. I guess I was just too numbed to cry!

Then the phone rang and I answered. It was Richard.

“Hey pal… how come you’re back so soon? Weren’t you suppose to come back after Labor Day?”

So I explained everything to him…

“Oh I see… Sorry to hear about that.”

For a few minutes we kept talking… making small talk. All the while I was wondering when he would tell me about his new girlfriend. I got my answer soon enough.

“Oh… and guess what Jack: I’m going out with Marie Bergeron. We started dating three weeks ago…(…) Jack? Are you still on the line?”

“Yeah yeah… Marie Bergeron? You mean… Jean-Paul’s sister?”, I asked…

“…Yeah…”

“…But isn’t she a bit too old for you?”

“What do you mean by “OLD”? I mean… she’s twenty…”

“Yeah, but you got seventeen only ten days ago…”

“So what? And you know… she has “experience”, if you see what I mean”, he said, laughing…

“Yeah… I bet she does!”, I answered…

“Hey… maybe we could go out one night, the three of us huh? What do you say?”

“Sure… Just give me a call…”

“Okay then. See you soon. Take care huh?”

“Yeah. You too…”

I hung up and said to myself: “He’s crazy! Totally insane!”

I knew the girl well. She was one of my friend’s older sister… and I knew perfectly well she was a real slut! She’s the kind of girl that sleeps with everyone, even the guys that have no shot at getting laid! Not that Richard was one of them of course. “She just has to fuck with everyone she knows, and now she wants to fuck with Richard. She just wants him into her bed, that’s all”, I said to myself.

And when I started to picture her with her arms tossed around Richard, I began to feel sick…

“No way I’m going to stay here and be a witness to that!”, I said to myself… “And no way that I’m going to go through what I’ve been through last winter! No way José!”.

I had to do something! But what?

I almost heard a small voice telling me: “Get the hell out of that room Jack! Move your ass! Do some thinking!”

I went downstairs and as I was about to go out I heard my mum say to me:

“Where are you going young man? We’re about to have supper…”

“Oh… I gotta go to the Mall before the stores close… I want to buy a new album. But don’t worry mum… I’ll grab something to eat over there…”

“Ohhh you!” she said…

I drove not to the Mall but to the Mont-Royal Park, which is a very beautiful and very large park in Montréal… A bit like Central Park in New York, or the Bois de Boulogne in Paris…

As soon as I got there I parked my car and went for a long walk. I walked towards the lake, and sat on a bench. For a while, I just watch the children play around… and watch the swans slowly and quietly glide over the surface of the lake. And I started thinking not about Richard, but about what I wanted to do with my life…

“Enough is enough”, I said to myself.

I looked at my watch and realized it was getting late. I walked back to my car and went home.

As I opened the front door, I saw my mum standing there, waiting for me. By the way she looked, I could tell she was very nervous.

“What?”, I asked, looking at her…

“Where were you?”, she asked…

“I went to the Mount-Royal Park for a walk, why?”

“We were worried…”

“Why?”

“Come sit with us, will you…”

I followed her to the living room and saw my dad as well as my brother Robert sitting there…

“What’s going on?”, I asked…

“Please Jack, sit down will you…”, my dad answered.

I sat and looked at him.

“Just after supper Richard called to talk to you…”, my brother said…

“So?”

“… I told him you weren’t here… and we talked for a while and when he told me that he’s going out with Marie Bergeron I asked him if he had told you, and he said yes. After his call I tried to find you. Mum said you had gone to the Mall… but…”, my brother started to explain, before being interrupted by my dad who said:

“…Look Jack: we were scared! Robert told us what you’ve been through last winter…Your mother and I didn’t know about that. Why didn’t you come to us and talk to us about that?”, my dad asked in a soft voice…

“…I’m sorry Jack”, my brother said… “But I had to tell mum and dad. I was scared and thought that maybe you were going to…”

“What? Killed myself? Is that what you thought I was going to do?

Robert didn’t answer. He was nervously playing with his feet… staring at them…

“Oh come on! I’m not crazy you know! (…) Look mum and dad… last winter, I thought I could manage all by myself and I was wrong. I won’t make the same mistake twice. That’s why I went for a long walk today… to sort things out. And that’s what I did. And now I’m ready to talk to you about the decisions I’ve made…”

“…Look Jack”, my brother said… “I can leave you alone with mum and dad if that’s what you want…”

“No Robert. You’ve always be there for me, and I want you to stay…”

I looked at my parents and said:

“You see, last winter and last spring I thought I had everything under control. But that wasn’t true. I almost went crazy… I couldn’t stop crying from extreme emotional stress… I lost appetite. I got insomnia. I was angry and I felt real bad. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when Richard came back into my life. And as soon as he came back into my life I stopped hurting. 

And now that he’s going out with Marie Bergeron, I know too well what is going to happen, and I don’t want to go through that again! No way! And you’re right: I should have talked to you last winter. I’m sorry I didn’t. But this time, like I said, I’m ready to talk… and I want to tell you what I’ve decided: I’m not going back to Brébeuf College next month. It’s not true that I’m going to keep bumping into Richard each and every day. I just can’t. Please don’t force me to go back. And I need to go away for a while… Away from Richard. I have to. Do you understand?”, I asked my parents with tears in my eyes…

“…Look Jack: Your mother and I will not force you to do anything okay? Do you hear me?”, my dad said…

“Yes”, I answered.

“Now what I suggest is that we all sleep over that tonight. Let your mother and I do some thinking will you? And we’ll talk tomorrow. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes”

“In the meantime Jack, I want you to know that we’re supporting you. We love you… and we will help you. You can count on us. We know you have a problem… and we will help you to solve it. You hear?”

“Yes dad”, I answered with a sad smile on my face. “Thanks…”

I went to my room and sat on my bed. About four seconds later my brother knock on my door:

“…Can I come in?”

“Yeah…”

“Sorry Jack… I didn’t want to betray you… but I had to tell mum and dad. When Richard told me he had talked with you earlier and that you already knew about his new girlfriend… I saw the whole picture and I got scared for you. Really. ! And I didn’t know what to do…”

“… Did you really think I could have… you know…”

“Don’t know Jack. I’m not a specialist. I’m just your brother. But I was scared and couldn’t keep to myself: I had to talk to mum and dad…”

“I understand Robert. And no… I don’t think you’ve betrayed me… Thanks for what you did bro!”

“Do you want to talk?”, Robert asked me…

“Not tonight Robert… For now, all I need is to get some rest.”

“Sure. Um… may I ask you something?”

“Sure. What?”

“You know that Marie Bergeron… Is she who I think she is?”

“Right on bro!”, I answered, with a sad smile on my face…

“Oh shit! I hope Richard is bright enough to use condoms…”

“Well, next time he calls, tell him will you? Cause if I do, he will only think that I’m telling him that cause I’m jealous. And anyway, I don’t intend to take his calls… and I don’t want to talk to him…”

“What will tell him if he calls and wants to talk to you?”

“That I’m not here… That I went to Quebec City for a few days… whatever!”

“Okay! Count on me…”

“Thanks. And stop worrying okay? I’ll be fine.”

Later that night, I went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. On my way there I noticed there was light in my dad’s study… and I could hear him talk to someone over the phone. I couldn’t make what he was talking about… but I was sure it was about me. Suddenly I got scared: Were they about to send me to a hospital? What the hell were they talking about? I just froze where I was!

I heard my dad hang up the phone and when he came out of his study he found me there. He was surprised to see me standing there and said:

“…I thought you were in bed?”

“…What are you doing dad? Do you think I’m crazy… that I need to be sent to a mental hospital or something?”

“What? Why would you think of a thing like that? (…) Yes, I was talking to a colleague of mine… and yes I was talking about you. I just wanted his opinion… to make sure what your mum and I have in mind is right for you…”

“…Which is…”

“Look Jack, it’s late. Let’s wait until tomorrow okay…”

“Dad… I won’t go to sleep until you tell me.”, I calmly answered. It’s my life we’re talking about. Do you understand?”

My dad looked at me straight in the eyes and after a second or two he said:

“You’re right Jack. I’m sorry. You see… your mother and I agree with you that you can’t go back to Brébeuf. We also understand that you need to get away from Richard for a while. We’re thinking of taking you to Paris with us and I wanted to make sure that’s a good idea. I’m a surgeon Jack, not a psychiatrist… That’s why I wanted to talk to one of my colleague… to make sure your mother and I are not making a mistake. I wanted to make sure that’s the kind of help you need Jack…”

“And?”

My dad gave me a nice smile and said:

“He said that taking you away from here is exactly what you need…”

“…So you won’t chain me to my bed tonight? No straight jacket… no muzzle… nothing?”, I asked, grinning…

“Nope! Just a tall glass of milk, if you want. That’s what I’m going to have. Care for one?”

“Sure dad! And thanks!”, I answered with a smile on my face.

I made myself a sandwich… and as I was eating my dad said:

“Because of my lectures we’ll spend two months in France. But we have to be back at the end of November… Maybe by then you will want to come back with us… or maybe you will want to stay in Paris and stay with my brother and his family… I don’t know. But once in Paris, I guess we will have time to think and talk about all those things…”

“Yeah. We’ll see dad. We’ll see.”

A few days later we were on the plane to Paris. Before we left, I had asked Robert to give Richard a call, to let him know I was going away for a while and that I wouldn’t go back to College next fall. Now that my brother was studying at the Faculty of medicine, he couldn’t travel with us to Europe, but we knew we would see each other in Martinique, during the Christmas holidays…

“Take care bro. I love you…”, he said to me.

“I love you too.”, I answered, hugging him…

In Paris we were staying at my uncle’s house and I must say I was starting to feel much better. Being far away from Montréal helped a lot and we were so busy all day long that I didn’t have much time to think about Richard.

Of course my dad was quite busy with his lectures… but my mum and I kept busy too, visiting the museums…going to the theatre and all. And since we were staying at my uncle’s house, my cousin and I were going out all the time, having fun…

In the middle of October, the three of us went to a nice restaurant for supper and after supper my dad said:

“…So Jack. Feeling better?”

“…While I’m here… yes! But I don’t want to go back to Montréal yet….”

“What do you want to do? Take a sabbatical leave? Do you want to stay here in Paris with your uncle André and his family?”

“…Well… Do you know what I really would like to do?”

“What? Tell us…”, my mum said…

“I’d like to go to Martinique, and stay there for a while.”

“…But Jack… You’ll be seventeen next month… you can’t stay all alone there… I mean…”, my dad said…

“Who says I have to stay there alone? I could stay at Bagatelle… If it’s okay with Will and Paul… and the others…”

“… Bagatelle? But…”, my mum said…

“What?”, I asked…

“Well… it’s just that we haven’t discuss that possibility before… I mean…”, my dad said, obviously surprised by my suggestion…

“Why not?”, I added… 

“But Jack… You can’t impose yourself to those gentlemen! They are not young you know!”

“Look mum: Do you know how many hours I’ve spent at Bagatelle since the first day I met them? Remember mum… I train there every day… I’ve spent hours, talking with them. And I know they like me. I’m sure they would be happy to help me! Beside mum… We’re not leaving Paris before the end of the month right?”

“Yes…”

“That means I would stay at Bagatelle for about what… six weeks? From about November 1rst to about December 15th? You and dad and Robert will come to spend the Christmas holidays at our house, right? So…”

“… I guess we could call them and ask them…”, my dad said. He looked at his watch and said “It’s 10h25 PM… that means it’s 4h25 AM in Martinique. We can’t call tonight. We’ll have to wait for tomorrow…”

“Fine with me!”, I answered, with a big smile on my face. “What do you say mum?”

“…Well… I guess that if it’s okay with them, it’s okay with me. I know they like you, and I wouldn’t worry about you, knowing you are staying there. But it’s out of the question that you stay all alone at our house! If that’s what you have in mind, forget it young man!”, she answered, looking at me straight in the eyes.

“That’s not what I have in mind mum. It would be too depressing to stay at our house all alone…”

“Well… We’ll see tomorrow, won’t we?”, my dad concluded.

I got up very early the morning after and when my dad came downstairs, he saw me sitting on a chair right next to the phone. I looked at him then looked at the phone. Then I looked at my watch and said: “It’s 7h30 AM… that means it’s half past noon in Martinique!”

My dad burst out laughing and said:

“When you have something on your mind…”

“Yup dad! Will you call? Here’s the phone number! You must dial 05.96 first…then the number…”

“I know…”, my dad answered, still laughing…

He took the phone and made the call…

Someone answered, and he asked to talk to Paul, explaining who he was… Then he waited.

It didn’t take Paul too long to take the call, and my dad explained everything to him. He didn’t hide anything… and told Paul the whole story. At one point my dad looked at me and said: “Get me a piece of paper and a pen will you?”

He wrote something… then said to Paul:

“…I’ll call you back as soon as we know on which flight Jack will be on… Thanks.”

My dad had not even hung up that I was all over him, asking him what Paul had said…

He smiled at me and said:

“He said they will be happy to have you at Bagatelle! Poor guys: they don’t know what they are in for…”, my dad said to me, with a jeering grin on his face…

“Nah!”, I answered, laughing…

“…Did you know Paul still has a sister living in Paris?”, he asked me…

“No…”

“…Here’s her address. Paul would like us to pay her a visit before we leave. He said he will call her to let her know about us…”

I looked at the address and said:

“That’s not very far from here dad… She lives on Avenue Foch…”

“Yes. We’ll call her tomorrow…”

“Sure.”

“First, let’s call Air France, to see if they have a flight soon…”

Sure enough Air France had a direct flight to Fort-de-France on November 2nd … and everything was quickly settled. 

My dad called back Paul to tell him about that. After Breakfast, he also called Paul’s sister, and she invited us to have tea with her.

Of course we went to see her.

When we got to her house on Avenue Foch I looked at my parents and said:

“Holy shit! Do you see that place? (…) She’s not on welfare, to say the least…”, I said, laughing…

At the front door we were greeted by a butler who politely showed us the way to a beautiful drawing room where Paul’s sister was waiting for us:

“Welcome to my house”, she said “Paul told me all about you… I’m so happy to meet you. Please, sit down…”

We had tea with her and as we were talking with her, I learned a few details concerning her house…

“(…) So this is where Paul and Will lived during the War?” I asked her…

“Yes”, she answered, with a nice smile on her face… “But I wasn’t here at the time. I was living in New York with the rest of the family…”

“Oh.”, I answered. And later, as I was looking at a large framed portrait hanging over the mantel of a big fireplace, she looked at me and said:

“That’s my parents you’re looking at. They died a long time ago…”

“You have a grand piano very similar to the one they have at Bagatelle… I go there to practice when we’re staying in Martinique…”

“Oh yes… The one Paul has there belonged to our grandmother… You play piano?”, she asked, with a nice smile on her face…

“Yes…”, I proudly answered.

“Seriez-vous ennuyé si je vous demandais de me jouer quelque chose? (Would you be annoyed if I would ask you to play something for me?)”

“Mais pas du tout Madame… Je vous en prie” (But not at all Madame… Please do…)

She walked over to a small cabinet… searched for something… then she looked at me with a very warm smile on her face and said:

“…Here. I found it. Do you think you could play that?” she said giving me the sheet music she had been searching for…

I looked at the sheet music then I looked back at her and said:

“That’s incredible! I can’t believe my eyes! I just can’t!”

“I beg you pardon?”, she said…

“Your brother Paul… That’s the same song your brother Paul asked me to play for him two years ago!”

She smiled and said:

“…Well… I’m not really surprised. Our mother used to play that song quite often… and Paul and I used to sit there, on that couch you see over there… to listen to her playing that beautiful song. … So many years ago. So many years ago!”, she answered with a sad smile on her face…

I sat at the piano and started to play the song from Schubert she had asked me to play… And I played it with all my heart… just as Will had taught me to…

When I was finished playing, she looked at me and said in a frail voice:

“…You play beautifully young man! A lot like my mother…”

“I know…”, I answered, smiling…”That’s exactly what Paul told me…”

“Oh, did he?”

“Yes…”

“Well, thank you. You made an old lady very happy young man. Very happy!”

As we were leaving her she looked at me said:

“…So you’re going to see the boys soon?”

The “boys”… that’s the term she was using to refer to Paul, Will, Lutz, Hans and Ludwig… like if they were still kids…

I grinned and said:

“Yes ma’am…”

“Well… tell my dear brother and the others that I love them… I’m too old to travel now, but I wish I could go with you young man… Ah! Youth! “Profitez bien de votre jeunesse mon enfant! Elle ne reviendra pas…” (Enjoy your young days my child… they will never come back…) she said, with a warm smile on her face.

“Merci pour votre charmante invitation chère Madame. Portez-vous bien” (Thank you for your kind invitation dear Madam. Take good care”), my parents said to her…

On our way back to my uncle’s house, I said to my parents:

“I knew the “de Brion” were rich… but shit! Did you see that place! At times, I was wondering if we were not at Versailles…”

“It’s very beautiful indeed”, my mum said… “That’s what we call “Old Money”… I suppose the “de Brion” have been rich for generations…”

“But she is not snob one bit!”, I said… “Just like Paul…”

Three days later, I was landing at Fort-de-France.

Since I’m a French national and had my French passport with me, I didn’t have to wait in line with the foreign passengers and was directed to a fast line reserved for EU citizens.