Posted by maz what a shit story
Posted by Mikey load of crap mate, sorry
Posted by dave tomlinson come on. you've got no idea how to write an interesting story you boring fuck. get it abit more exciting and interesting. I think I'll go and watch the paint on that door I painted DRY... Yawn, yawn....
Posted by Romeo Don't worry about these others. They're probably the sidk perverts who get off ober the rape stories. However, I do agree it could have more interested.
Try giving more verble dialogs from the characters. The only one who ever spoke was Mark.