Secrets 5

Patrick took a step backward toward my bedroom door, and one step away from me. “Am I the first one you’ve ever been with?” he asked.

“No,” I answered simply. “But you’re the only person that I’ve ever let do what you did to me.”

Patrick averted his eyes from me. He looked at the ceiling; his body was very tense. “I don’t want you to think I expect anything from you,” I told Patrick. “I don’t expect you to want to be my boyfriend, or for us to go out or whatever. I’m glad we did what we did, but I won’t be upset if you don’t want to do it again.”

He shocked me by asking, “Why not?”

I sat up in bed, bringing my knees to my chest. I had almost forgotten that I was completely naked for a second, while Patrick was completely clothed. “Because you’re not mine. If I expect anything from you, then you’ll disappoint me because you won’t be able to give me what I want from you. And of all people in the world, you’re the last person that I want to disappoint me.”

“What do you want from me?” Patrick asked sincerely. 

“I want whatever you want to give me,” I answered. “Whatever that might be. And if you can’t give me anything...that’s fine.”

“You’re makin’ me feel guilty now,” Patrick said.

“Why am I making you feel guilty, Patrick?”

“`Cause I know how you feel about me,” he replied. “I can’t be your boyfriend, Sean -”

“I know,” I interrupted. “You don’t need to feel guilty about that. I don’t want you to feel guilty about anything you’ve done or haven’t done to me, Patrick.”

“Is that how you really feel?” Patrick asked.

In my mind I was clearly thinking, ‘No’, but aloud I said, “Yeah. It is. You’re the only friend I have. I don’t want to fuck that up. So if you want to forget this ever happened. If you want me to forget this ever happened, that’s fine. I can do that.”

Patrick surprised me again by saying, “I don’t want you to forget this happened.” I was happy that he said that, but I really didn’t know how to respond. I don’t think Patrick had anything else to say either. He turned and headed for my bedroom door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. At school,” he said to me before leaving my room.

“Yeah,” I said after he left the room, “see you tomorrow.”

I waited until I heard the front door close before I got out of bed. My whole body was sore, especially my butt. I looked down on the ground and saw Patrick’s underwear. He had forgotten to put them on - or maybe he hadn’t. I picked them up. They felt so soft and warm. I folded them up neatly and placed them in one of my drawers. After that, I went to the bathroom to take a bath. 

My house felt so cold and empty. I didn’t know when my parents would be home, but I was hoping that it wouldn’t be for a while. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. As I ran the bathwater, I thought I heard the front door open and close. I shut the water valve off and listened. “Patrick is that you?” I called out loudly. But nobody answered. I let another minute go by before I turned the water on again. 

The water was almost burning when I got inside of the tub. It took me a while to adjust to the high temperature, but after a few minutes, I started to relax and sink beneath the surface of the water. I closed my eyes and replayed Patrick fucking me in my mind over and over. I imagined his body pressed up against mine, his long and hard dick sliding in and out of me, the incredible sensation I felt when he came inside of me. I had been holding my breath underwater for at least a whole minute, with my eyes closed, when I heard a loud, sharp sound that sounded like it was coming from directly above me. 

I opened my eyes and through the thin screen of water I saw someone standing on the side of the bathtub, looking down at me. It was a guy. But because I was underwater, I could not see his face clearly. He was holding something in his hand and it was pointing toward me. For some reason, I didn’t panic at first, because I thought that it might’ve been Patrick. But as I looked at the figure standing over me, watching me, I came to the realization that it wasn’t Patrick - it was Danny. I rose to the surface of the water - to find Danny pointing a gun directly at my face. 

His eyes were incredibly dark and blank, as though there was no emotion in him at all. I was in such a shocked state that I didn’t know what to say or do - all I could do was just stare at Danny and the gun nozzle.

“Danny, what are you doing?”

“I guess you thought I was stupid,” Danny said. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off the gun. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talkin’ about, Sean. I guess you got what you wanted.”
Patrick. He was talking about Patrick. Somehow he must have been spying on us. But where the hell did that gun come from? 

“Danny, I don’t know what you’re talking -”

He interrupted me by cocking the gun. When I heard that loud metallic click, I thought my heart was going to stop beating. As I looked into Danny’s eyes, it was like I was looking at someone I’d never seen before, a complete stranger - a stranger that was willing to kill me with no hesitation at all. 

“Danny, put the gun down.”

I didn’t expect him to listen to me, but he did. Danny pointed the gun away from me...and turned it on himself. Danny pressed the nozzle of the gun at his left temple. He took a few steps back away from me. His eyes still held that blankness, as though he was already dead inside and nothing could bring him back - not me or anyone else.

“Danny, what the fuck are you doing?” I screamed. I wanted to move and get out of the bathtub and try to stop him, but I felt scared and powerless. I didn’t know how Danny would react if I tried to stop him. I didn’t want either one us to end up hurt or dead - but somehow I knew that one - or possibly both us would end up seriously damaged or dead. “Danny, you’re not going to do this.”

“Why not?” Danny asked “You don’t care.”

“I do care. What the fuck are you doing this for?”

Danny laughed. “Because this is the only way you’ll take me seriously.”

“No it isn’t. Put the gun down, Danny.”

“You won’t have to see me again, Sean. Isn’t that what you want? And I won’t have to see you with him anymore. That’s what I want. Everytime I look at you, I want to die.”

“Danny, I’ll do anything you want. Just don’t --”

“It’s too late Sean. It’s already done.” 

It was too late for me to move. Before I had a chance to get out of the tub, Danny had already pulled the trigger. I wasn’t prepared for the loud explosive noise that followed, or all the blood that splashed against the white walls. It paralyzed me again, and I couldn’t move or think or act - and for a moment, I thought that I was the one who had been shot - I thought that I was the one who was dead.

But no. It wasn’t me. It was Danny. But it wasn’t Danny anymore. Danny was gone. His lifeless, bleeding body remained standing for a three brief seconds - and yet they felt like the longest three seconds of my life. Blood poured out of the open hole in Danny’s head like a broken faucet. The body that used to be Danny collapsed on the ground, in a pool of the darkest blood I’d ever seen. It was such a horrific and surreal sight that I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. I should’ve moved, I should’ve tried to help him - even though there was no way I could help him. I should’ve called 911 or do something. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare...all I could was just stare. 

To be Continued...