Whatever Grady Want's...

What can I say about Grady Goetz ( pronounced "gets") Together, we quickly lead each other out of the deep, dark recesses of the "closet" that we'd been living in for years. In the process, Grady and I embarked on a love affair that only dreams are made of. 

I had spent years weaving a complex web of lies to cover up my sexuality. So complex, that I became entangeled in it myself. Now the fear of "coming out" was dwarfed by the shame and embarrassment over the years of lies an emphatic denials. 

I always get a chill when I think of how close I came to not meeting him to begin with. I was working in a sandwich shop with a bunch of very hot, very hormonal, and unfortunately, very straight guys. It was no secret that the owner had specific criteria for the boys she hired. It was the Abercrombie & Fitch of take-out sub-shops. It's discrimination that nobody seems to question, but when you think about it, have you ever seen an ugly guy working at A&F?

My boss, Pam made no bones about it. She said that her business model was no different then A&F, or Hooter's. And quite frankly "As far as her sandwiches are concerned, only the hottest guys got to stuff meat in her buns,"

I had been invited to hang out with some of the guys after work, and to go to parties crawling with eager pussy. After I declined one guys offer a few times, he was the first to raise an eyebrow. He was joking, but nevertheless, it set off the chemical in my brain that caused me to go right into self-preservation mode. Hearing any type of accusation, joking or not, always set off a defense mechanisim.

"Sup Josh? - Not patrial to pussy? He said.

"No dude? I'm just not partial to anyone you'd consider a friend. Sorry to be rude, but you brought that shit on yourself. The next time someone politely declines an invitation, just leave it at that, okay?" I said.

I could see that he was embarrassed by my response. It only added fuel to the fire when Patrick invited me to a party at his house on Saturday. I accepted immediately to add creedance to what I had just said to my other co-worker. 

I had arrived at the party and was dealing with that akward feeling of being amongst a crowd of strangers. I
eventually walked out to the backyard, and even from a distance of 50 feet, I spotted Grady and could tell that he was Patrick's brother. He had his brother's good looks, smooth skin, incredibly white teeth, and he had eyes that you could become lost in if you where a girl, or a boy like me.

My only interaction with Grady that night was a brief introduction by Patrick. I was immediately taken by his 
natural beauty and spent most of the night stealing galnces whenever possible. Grady stood out in this sea of Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren, $50 haircuts that where spiked with $15 tubes of gel. His attire was seductively generic and consisted of well worn Levi 501's, a navy blue Hanes pocket-tee, and a pair of flip-flops that could be purchased at Walgreen's for a few dollars.

For a guy with parent's as wealthy as he had, his choice of clothing was a statement. Thier house was at a minimum, an ostentatious display of wealth, yet Grady didn't use it as a tool like Patrick did. When I decided to leave the party, I wanted to go and say goodbye to Grady. I wanted to say anything that would keep me in his mind somehow, but I couldn't.

It would be another two weeks before I'd see him again. I was just as pleased as I was shocked by how our second interaction unfolded. I was at work when Grady and his mother walked in looking for Patrick. I heard my name before I even looked up and saw him.

"Hey Josh! - we're looking for Patrick." He said.

I was quivering over the fact that he remembered my name, and then casually spoke to me as if we had known each other forever. I looked at him and was paralyzed in his stare. I could see that his mom noticed it too. I quickly glanced at her and said hello, and Grady seemed embarrassed for not making an introduction.

"Oh! I'm sorry. How rude of me." Grady said before going on.

"Mom, this is Josh. He was at the gathering a few weeks ago. Josh, this is my mother Mrs. Goetz."

I extended my hand and commplemented her on her beautiful home. She immediately warmed up over the compliment. To me, she was a woman who's only accomplishment was getting married to the right man. But I quickly reassessed my perception when I turned my attention back to Grady. His birth was by far her greatest accomplishment.

Patrick came out from the backroom and said hello to his brother and mother. Just as Patrick walked out front next to his mom, Grady turned and walked back over to the counter. He turned and looked back before he started talking.

"Um Josh! I'm having a little get together at my parents beach house on Saturday. You're welcome to come if you'd like." He said quietly as if it was a secret.

"Sure - sounds great!" I said.

"Awesome! - email me for directions." He said.

I grabbed a pen and was getting ready to write down his email address. He started to get a funny smirk on his face and said that his email address was easy to remember. Based on his evil grin, I couldn't wait to hear what it was. I sure wasn't disappointed.

"So, what is it?" I asked" 

"Um...it's...um..........whateverGradywantsGradyGoetz@xxxxxxxx.com." He said at nearly a whisper.

"And is that true?" I asked, and then started to glow red and couldn't believe that I just said that.

"No, but its always nice to dream, ya know?" Grady said.

All the way home that night. I could think of nothing else but Grady, what we had said to each other, and the manner in which we said it. I ran in the house and up to me bedroom to logon and email Grady.

~~~~~~~~~~ 
To: whatevergradywantsgradygoetz@xxxxxxxx.com

From: CjoshNaked4aQuarter@xxxxx.com

Subject: directions

Hey Grady,

just emailing for directions for Saturday. Thanks for the invite, and let me know if I can bring anything like, ya know? cookies, fruit punch, ice cream, lol

L8er,

Joshua
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I checked my email every 10 minutes and found a reply about an hour later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: CjoshNaked4aQuarter@xxxxx.com

From: whatevergradywantsgradygoetz@xxxxxxxx.com

Subject: directions for saturday

Dude! now that's a cool email addy! - Don't worry about bringing anything other then yourself and .75 cents. LMFAO

I'll be there at 3:00, and everyone will be coming around 6:00. Show up whenever you want.

see ya sat.

G-getz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, I've never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed. The fact that I spent a solid hour trying to figure out why he'd suggest that I should bring .75 cents is proof of that. Finally I got it! .75 cents is change for a dollar if you're only sending a quarter. Helloooooooooo CjoshNaked4aQuarter@your-house.com

My heart started to pound as I wondered if Grady was jokingly serious, as I called it. I had become very good at making comment in a jokingly serious manner. It allowed me to have a way out if the comment was ever too far over the top.

I showed up at 4:00 p.m dressed in faded Levi 501's, a maroon Hanes pocket tee-shirt, and my Berkinstocks. Grady answered the door dressed exactly as I was, except that he chose a dark green Hanes pocket-tee for the ocassion. Grady and I where both so painfully skinny, that I'm sure we could wear each others clothes.

Even at the age of concent, I could still fit into a boys size 14, and I often did because designer Polo's came in color's and patterns that where not available in adult sizes. Grady and I sat out on the balcony and talked for a while. There was this anxious ora in the air as we struggled to come down from what was obviously a sense of uncertainty about each other.

In the couple of hours that I spent alone with Grady, he gave me the rundown on the prople who'd be arriving. It was going to be a small gathering, and unlike the rowdy gatherings that Patrick was famous for.
But most interesting of all was that there was going to be a gay couple, and Grady solicited my views on the subject. What a perfect opportunity that was to just come out to someone who obviously wouldn't have cared, but like every opportunity before, I was too chicken shit. I just made it clear that I was cool with it.

"So...um.....can I take that to mean......" Grady said just as the doorbell rang. The term "saved by the bell" became more then just a television show to me. Mmmm. When I was younger, I used to have wet-dreams about me being on all-fours, sucking Zack Morris' dick, while Slater fucked me in the ass. But I digress, turn, pivot, ja te', and return to the story.

Grady got up to answer the door before he could finish his question. I sat and wondered exactly what it was that he was going to ask. I thought of all the possibilities until there became too many.

So...um....can I take that to mean... 

A. That you're gay?
B. We're both gay?
C. You're cool with me being gay?
D. You have gay friends too?
C. All of the above?

Grady came out onto the balcony with two girls and before he could make an introduction, I introduced myself. 

"Hi Sarah, Hi Mandy, I'm Joshua." I said.

All three of them looked at me with a sense of wonder. Grady had described his friends so well that I just knew who was who without having to be told. I saw two guys coming down the boardwalk and could just sense that it was the gay couple.

"Here comes Michael and Peter." I said.