Wishful Thinking : Part 4

After school I spend some time on a small wall right beside the football field where Justin and the other guys were playing football. Usually I used that time only to check out the boys.. especially Justin. I would just sit there unnoticed and wait till the training ended because Justin would usually come to me to hang out.. This place felt kinda special to me even though Justin and me weren’t that close by the time.. I brought my books and the exercises my biology teacher told me to do with me.

The weather was very hot but on the stonewall and under the shadows of some tall trees it was quite comfortable. There were a few kids on the opposite side of the field but I didn’t really care. I could see Justin wearing black shorts and one of his favourite shirts. It was a simple blue shirt with white letters on the front saying ‘Captain’. When Justin showed it to me the first time he was so fucking proud.

I decided to start researching for vaccines and took out my papers and books. But my own thoughts and Justin’s hot body always interrupted me. Once I was probably staring a little too long and he noticed me. I wanted to look away but just couldn’t.. My eyes were locked on his. I missed him so much. He smiled at me and I waved. I WAVED? WTF? I regretted it right after.. what kind of retard is fucking waving? Justin turned to the other guys and I buried my head in my hands. Argh shit.. I am such a freak.

After all I wanted to get this done. I wanted to write at least a few sentences to every question and go home then. It was hard to understand everything but I tried my best although I knew my teacher would be pissed anyways. About half an hour later I saw a tall guy walking towards me. It was Tyson.

‘Heyya’

‘What.. are you stalking me now?’ I said in a friendly tone

‘Maybe.’ He sat right next to me ‘I just saw you sitting here and thought maybe you need some company’ he smiled

‘I already told you.. You’re not my boyfriend’ I clarified and tried to focus on my imposition again.

‘We could change that’

Did he really just say that ?

‘I don’t think so’ I said cold

‘Alright. So what.. I don’t care’ Tyson came closer and stroked my chest with his hands.

I took a brief look at the football field. Nobody seemed to have seen anything.. ‘Tyson. What are you doing?’

He didn’t stop as I hoped he would. Well that was partly true because honestly his touch felt really good on me.

WTF? I couldn’t do this. Justin could see us and.. Justin..

‘I think I use you just to get over another guy’ I blurted out.

Tyson hesitated.. and then he laughed ‘Hear me complaining?’ as he put one of his hands on my thigh.

WTF? That didn’t mean anything to him. This was way too much. I DIDN’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. Why do I always have to remind myself of that ? I really didn’t want Tyson to touch me now. Not even mentioning the whole football team watching.

‘Stop it Tyson. I’m serious.’ I said angry and he pulled away.

I wanted him to go and fucking leave me alone.

‘I told you I do–’ I started again

‘..Pat?’ I heard a familiar voice a few steps away. I hadn’t noticed before but the football team was gone. Only Justin was still there now walking towards us with his hair a little wet and messy. He was carrying a football with him.

I felt kinda caught. Being with Justin and Tyson at the same time was awkward. And I had no idea how much Justin must have heard or seen already.

‘What’s up?’ Justin smiled at me and nodded slightly towards Tyson.

God. I wanted this to end. Now.

Justin stared at Tyson for a few seconds as though he was figuring him out or something. But then he ignored him and talked to me again ‘Eeerm well.. Coach let us go early’ he said like it was the most normal thing to talk to me about that.. about anything at all..

‘Anyways Sam just asked me to hang out at his.. you’re coming Pat?’ he added

WTF? Did I miss something? Since when.. WTF? I’ve never even been at Sam’s house..
But well I knew Justin.. He was probably just offering me an excuse to get away from Tyson..

Tyson and me exchanged glances. ‘Uum.. sure’ I said in Justin's direction.

‘Gotta go’ I simply said and packed my stuff back in my bag. I guess I made my point clear this time and I hoped Tyson wouldn’t say anything else. After a few seconds of hesitation and sulky looks Tyson agreed. ‘See ya’ he said, jumping down off the wall. Justin was staring at his feet.

--

Few seconds later I walked with Justin to get his bag from the other side of the field. As soon as Tyson was out of earshot I complained ‘You don’t need to protect me anymore Justin’ – ‘I could have handled it alone..’

‘I’m always gonna protect you’ he whispered really quiet but I was still able to hear it. ‘He seems to be with you all the time..’ Justin added in a normal but gloomy tone

‘Well were friends’ I only said

Justin nodded but said nothing more.

The whole way Justin refused to look at me. He was looking on the floor or at some kids.. just not me. Why was he so uncomfortable talking to me ?

We both watched Tyson disappear behind some trees at the schoolyard.

‘What were you doing here anyways?’ Justin asked me. I realized how he lightened up just talking about something else now..

‘Nothing much.. I had to do some homework and stuff and Oh.. you remember what happened this morning?’ I laughed and held up my biology book

Justin looked at me and laughed. Oh how much I loved it when he did that.

When we arrived at his bag Justin asked ‘So.. do you still have some time to play?’ he held up the football just the way I did it before with my book.

This was so typical for him. He was pretending the conversation before and everything containing to it never happened. Justin was always refusing to talk about stuff like that. Feelings. Relationships.. And he also was always doing this shit when something wasn’t going according to plan.

‘We’re never going to talk about it, right?’ I asked quiet

‘Talk about what?’ Justin said looking right into my eyes.. what made me really nervous.

‘Come on.. Talk about you and me. Together. About this fucking tension that seems to be between us. Always.’ I stuttered

‘You know me.. I’ve never been that chatty’ he laughed ‘But I know what I want. And right now I wanna play football’ – ‘So were gonna play now or what?’

But this was really important to me. I felt like we had to talk about it.. sooner or later.

‘Don’t think just beca-’ I started but got cut off because Justin threw the football towards me really hard. But I got it.

‘Wohoo.. you practiced?’ he laughed

I couldn’t help but laugh too ‘Shut up’ and I threw the ball back to him.

Justin stepped back and threw the football back to me.. I guess we gotta talk LATER

--

So we played a little. Well honestly it was Justin who played or more like.. put on a show.. but it was kinda hot. You know as far as I am concerned I’m not that strong and shit. But Justin..wow

For a few moments we were just two best friends again. Having a good time playing ball.

Maybe I was getting into it a little too much but it was so much fun.. When Justin passed me the football slightly stronger than before, I wanted to jump after it and fell. I landed flat on my stomach and my ankle was kinda hurt. Stuff like that ALWAYS happens to me. NOT COOL. Really fucking embarrassing!

‘Ouch’ I said as I tried to uplift my body

I saw Justin who was laughing and running towards me ‘You’re okay Pat ?’

‘No’ I groaned and reached my hand out waiting for him to help me up again.

‘Thanks to you asshole, I’m not’ I added laughing

‘You wanted it bitch’ he said cheeky but smiling

He picked me up again and we almost crashed into each other as he did that. We were face to face and none of us moved. My hand was still in his and our bodies were only inches apart.

I was breathing really hard. Everything was falling into place. This was one of those moments I missed so much. I stared into his green eyes. But Justin broke the silence..

‘You remember what I said earlier? About Sam.. you know.. Sam Petersen?’

I was puzzled. I saw Justin's lips move but couldn’t understand a word he was saying

‘Half of that was actually true. He’s having a party tonight and.. well he asked if we wanna come..’ he smiled

I almost melted. There was a “we” again? Oh god.

Justin blushed ‘So are we..?’

‘What ?’ I asked as my mind started working again

He laughed and stared at his feet ‘Are we going there’

I wasn’t sure if I understood it right but at that moment I would have agreed to anything he said..

‘Yeah sure’ I smiled

‘Cool.. I’m gonna pick you up at 9’ Justin said hopefully

Then he turned away from me and picked up his stuff. And after he threw his bag over his strong shoulders he stepped up to me again. He leaned in pretty close and his mouth was right beside my ear. I shuddered as I felt his breath on my neck.. he was so close.

‘Just wanted to make sure you understand’ he whispered in a low hot voice ‘I know what I want..’

My eyes were closed and I hold my breath as he continued ‘And if I want something.. I’m willing to fight to get it’

I couldn’t move. I wasn’t even able to think. But a moment later Justin’s lips touched mine. Only for a second I could feel his lips on mine but it was mind blowing. I was so surprised I just stared at him as he walked away after. And before I could react or say anything Justin was gone.

I was just standing there. Speechless and amazed. It took me another minute to realize JUSTIN JUST KISSED ME ..in the middle of the football field..