Confessions: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

We pulled into the park area around 10 pm. All the other’s had already gotten there, and I could hear music and see a small fire through the gates. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see if I looked okay. I gave my hair a few more spikes and then jumped out. Damien and I began to walk toward the entrance before I noticed that he stopped behind me and was rolling up the cuffs of his shirt. He took a rubber band from his wrist and put his hair into a ponytail. I didn’t bother waiting for him, and I continued through the gates to meet the others.

“Bout fuckin’ time. You beauty queens get all you had to do done?” Zane said as he got up from a lounge chair to greet me. “Where’s your better half?” He continued.

I looked back to see that Damien still hadn’t come through the gates. He stood next to the truck with his back turned looking at the nearby scenery that was illuminated by the light of the full moon. 

“I guess he’s coming” I said not thinking about going over to see what was wrong anymore. 

I walked over to the ice-filled bucket that contained the drinks and grabbed a beer, popped off the top, and began to gulp it down. 

“Whoa, slow down” Tasha said to me. I had almost already consumed almost 75% of the beer, and was about to finish it off before I reached over and grabbed another one. 

I felt like I was in heaven. I dropped on a towel that was near me on the ground and leaned back and put my hands behind my head. About 5-10 minutes passed before Tasha came and plopped down beside me. 

“Hey, what’s buggin’ Damien?” 

“I don’t really know, I have been trying to get an answer out of him all night but he won’t tell me anything.” I said sitting up. 

“Well, you need to go and see what’s wrong with him, because the real fun can’t begin until we have all the participants.” 

“Fun, what fun?” I said standing up, dusting off the back of my pants.

“Oh, you’ll see” Tasha replied trotting over to the rest of the congregation. 

I grabbed another beer from the bucket for Damien, and began to walk over toward the entrance of the gates. Damien was sitting on the hood of my truck with his head down absent-mindedly picking at his hands. 

“Okay, this has gone on for long enough, I’m not leaving this spot until you tell me what’s buggin’ you.” I said as I jumped on the hood beside him and handed him the beer. 

“It’s nothin’ Jules” Damien said as he took the beer, never lifting his head. 

“Look Damien, I know that there’s something wrong with you, and you know that I know. And now I’m serious, you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.” I asserted as I jumped off the hood and stood directly in front of him. 

Instead of becoming defensive and retaliating as I thought he would do, he submitted. “Remember that I was telling you something before, in the truck at your house?”

“Yeah, what was it by the way?”

“Okay” Damien said as he looked up at me and let out a huge sigh. His eyes appeared as if he had been crying, or was about to, but his state remained the same. 

“Jules, you’ve known me for a very long time. We’ve been through ups and downs, and hell and high water and…”

“Ah, not trying to be mean, but would you cut to chase Damien?” I said taking a sip from my beer.

Damien looked down for a moment and traced the top of his beer bottle with his finger and looked up again. 

“Julian, I’m g-“

At that very second, I felt a cold splash hit me square in the back. I jerked around to see what it was. Zane stood at the entrance of the fence laughing hysterically and pointing at me. I glanced at the ground to see the remnants of a busted water balloon.

“Ha haaaa, that’s what you get when you try to play me.” Zane said backing away.

“Son of a -“ I said as I turned around about to pursue Zane before I stopped in my tracks, remembering that Damien was in the middle of telling me something.

“What were you saying Damien?” I said in a hurried tone, wanting to go and repay Zane for his little antic. 

Damien looked toward me and continued. “I’m g-, I’m g-, I’m glad that we’re friends.” Damien said closing his eyes and turning away.

I looked at him puzzled for a minute, almost disappointed at his statement.

“Wait, you mean to tell me that you have been moping around all night because you’re glad that you’re my friend?” I said scratching my head. 

“Well, yeah. You have always been there for me and helped me get through so many things, and I was thinking, what if I were to lose you?”

I looked down at myself and began to touch myself all over as if I were inspecting my body. “Well, looks to me that I’m still here and I’m pretty sure that I’m not going anywhere.” I said beginning to smirk. Damien laughed and got off the truck. 

“Now come on you sentimental bastard and help me kick Zane’s ass” I said sarcastically smiling as we went to join the others. 

“Everything cool Damien?” Tasha said as we neared the group again. 

“I’m good” he replied shaking his head and finally opening his beer. 

“What happened to your shirt?” Tasha asked laughing. 

“Well, your ass of a boyfriend thought it would be funny to hit me with a water balloon.” I said leering at Zane. 

“Well, I try my best.” He boasted flashing a huge kool-aid smile. 

I unbuttoned my semi-wet shirt and threw it to the ground. Even though it was a little windy, it was still a very warm night and I had a wife beater on under my shirt. 

“So, you ladies ready to go ol’ school?” Zane shouted addressing the entire crowd. 

We looked at him completely ignorant as to what he was talking about, when Natasha scrolled up beside him smirking and holding a glass bottle.

“We’re all gonna play a good ol’ game of spin the bottle.” Zane said taking the bottle from Tasha. 

We all began to laugh at the thought, but everyone thought it would be fun and there were no objections. 

“It can be our little commensuration ceremony to symbolize us leaving childhood behind, and beginning adulthood.” Tasha continued still laughing. “Besides, whoever doesn’t play doesn’t get anymore free beer. I paid for those beers and got someone to get them for us, so what I say goes.” Natasha said in an almost snobbish tone.”

“Why not?” I said hunching my shoulders. At that moment we all began to alternatingly plop on the ground around a square piece of wooden ply board, that’s purpose was now apparent. Everyone sat down that is, but Damien, who now looked like a deer caught in headlights that had just seen a ghost. 

“Guys, I don’t know if I wanna play.” Damien said shakily.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun” Tasha assured him, “And besides, remember what I said, no play, no beer.”

“I DON’T CARE” Damien said loudly and aggressively as all talking and noise stopped for a moment and everyone looked at him in complete silence. A short awkward pause ensued. 

“Look, I just think it’s childish okay” Damien continued. 

“C’mon, I told you that you’re not gonna ruin this” I said as I grabbed Damien by the arm and forcefully pulled him to the ground. He just stared at me for a second with a very angry look on his face and then turned away shaking his head. I didn’t care though, because admittedly I was a little drunk. Nothing serious, as a matter of fact it takes a lot to get to me drunk, half a dozen to a dozen beers most of the time. I was just drunk enough to have that warm filling inside and not to really care about little stuff. (Like Zane hitting me in the back with a water balloon) 

“Okay, here are the rules” Natasha said sitting at the head of the circle. “Anything goes. That means that if you are a girl and you spin the bottle and it lands on another girl, you kiss her, and the same rule applies for the fellas.” 

A resounding “Uuuoooo” broke out among the little crowd, like you hear when a child sees another child break something or do something bad. Damien turned pale.

“Okay who wants to go first?” Tasha said putting the bottle in the center of the piece of ply board. 

“I’ll go” Zane said sitting forward to spin the bottle. The bottle made about four revolutions before it stopped and pointed to the opposite side of the circle at Karen Summers. She was cute, but she was no Halle Berry. They both crept over the circle and leaned forward and gave a little peck on the lips, and the game continued. Now it was Natasha’s turn. She leaned forward and gave the bottle a whirl. To my surprised it landed on me. Once again there was the childish “Uuuoooo” that came from the rest of the crowd. I sat up from off my elbows and leaned toward Tasha. We began to kiss, and mid-way through the kiss I turned to the side to make sure that Zane saw us. I broke out in a laugh during the kiss before we broke away. “You know what, I definitely felt tongue” I said laughing as I returned to my former position of leaning back on my elbows with my legs crossed. 

“Very funny smart ass” Zane said looking at me with a super fake smile. 

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, karma’s a bitch” I replied still laughing. 

The game continued on for what seemed like hours, and I knocked back a few more beers. I was beginning to feel the effects a little when Damien’s turn rolled around again. Reluctantly sitting forward to spin the bottle, he gave it a hard, long, spin and then sat back in his position. The bottle whirled and whirled and didn’t seem as if it would stop, until finally its momentum slowed. The bottle pointed in my direction. Besides Zane having to kiss Hunter Daniels, this would only be the second same-sex kiss of the night. 

Damien’s eyes became extremely wide, and I saw him swallow. He sat there frozen for a moment before I intervened. 

“Well buddy, that definitely wasn’t my last beer of the night so pucker up.” I said sitting forward. Damien remained frozen for a moment before he exhaled and turned toward me and leaned forward, his hair falling over his shoulder as he did so. We began to lean in toward each other slowly, to the point right before our lips would touch when Damien pulled back, got up, and scurried off to a nearby patch of oak trees guarding a small river. 

“I’ll get him, I’ll get him” I said scrambling to my feet before anyone could say anything. I approached the little wooded area were I saw Damien with his back turned looking out at the river. 

“What’s the matter now Damien? I’m tired of babysitting” I said in an almost drunken voice as I sat down at the base of one of the larger oak trees and leaned back against it. 

Damien let out a huge sigh before he began to talk. “You just don’t get it do you Julian…you just don’t get it.” 

“Get what? I get that you’ve been acting like a baby all night.” Damien turned to me with his arms crossed and began to speak. 

“I don’t understand how one person could be so blind as to obliviously look right pass all the signs and not notice a thing.” 

“Well Damien, I’m tired of being a contestant on the what’s buggin’ Damien game show.” I said as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the tree. Damien sighed again.

“Julian, we have been through a lot together, and honestly I don’t know if I would have ever made it this far if it hadn’t been for you.” I remained silent with my eyes still closed, leaning against the tree. “We have seen each other through good relationships and bad relationships”

“And” I said almost inaudibly.

“And, the truth is that it hurts me to my soul when I see you get hurt in a relationship and-“ Damien stopped and turned back to face the river.

At that moment I got a little angry for some reason, maybe it was the alcohol, and I stood up and began to approach him. In one quick motion I assertively spun him around to face me, and I shoved him in the chest as I began to speak.

“And…and what? I’m tired of these half-assed explanations Damien. I’m tired of you actin’ like a fuckin’ 10-year-old. If you want to sit here all night and sulk about bullshit, then you just go right ahead because I’m going back to enjoy my graduation night.” I stood there for a moment expecting a response before I turned to walk away. As I began to take a few steps away, I heard Damien respond in a very calm and sedate tone.

“I-I care about you Julian…maybe a little more than I’m supposed to.” At that moment I stopped dead in my tracks. Whatever intoxication that had afflicted me before vanished. Damien’s words thursts me into a state of sobriety. I turned back to face him. “What did you just say?” I said in almost disbelief.

“You heard me right Julian, I said that I care about you, and my type of caring exceeds that of a regular friendship, and by the way, in case you hadn’t noticed by now, I’m gay. It’s what I have been trying to tell you all night.”

I was frozen. I literally couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even twitch. I stared at Damien in complete and utter awe and disbelief, unable to say a word or even blink. 

“What’s the matter Julian? No witty remark to retaliate, huh? No smartass comment? C’mon speak to me, because you silence is deafening.” 

I stood there for a moment and blinked and closed my mouth (of which I am sure was wide open). “Damien…” I hesitated. “I didn’t know.” 

“Has it occurred to you that you didn’t want to know Julian? You know me better than my own parents, and they have figured it out, why hadn’t you?” 

“Damien, why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you said anything sooner?” 

“Oh, I don’t know maybe because I was afraid that I would receive the response that I am getting from you now. And as a friend, I felt I owed it to you to tell you before we went and moved in together.” 

“Damien” now I was shaky “ I am really disappointed in you if you thought that you’re being gay could ever change our friendship. You are my best friend, there are things about me that I have never, or will ever share with anyone else on this earth. You are the only person who really acts as a confidant for me, and can provide me with solace in times of need. You are my friend, and nothing will ever change that.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem, I’m your FRIEND Julian, and nothing more. Look, can you just take me home please.” 

Damien stormed off toward the entrance of the gate toward my truck. I stood there for a moment collecting myself, reflecting on the events that had just transpired. I slowly began to walk to my truck, when as I was passing the clearing I noticed that the once friendly game of spin the bottle had turned into a full-blown make-out session between the group. I grabbed my shirt from the ground, next to where Tasha and Zane were grinding, completely unaware of my presence at first. 

“Everything okay?” I heard Zane muffle out as he continued to kiss Natasha. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Look, Damien and I are gonna call it a night okay.” I said balling my shirt up in my hands. 

“Whatever” Zane replied resuming his liaison. As I neared the gates I saw Damien already sitting on the passenger side with his arms crossed looking out the window. I approached the truck and got in. I glanced over and looked at him for a moment, and I was about to say something before he cut me off before I could even get one syllable of a word out. 

“Look, I don’t want to hear it Julian, just drive.” 

With that I closed my mouth, started the engine, and began to back out of the park area.