My German Lover: The Epilogue

The day after, Mathieu said to me:

“…Look Jack… as you know, I’m going back to France the day after tomorrow. But before I go, I’d like to spend some time with you… alone. Away from Bagatelle. What do you say?”

“Hey, yeah… that’s a great idea. Do you know what we could do? I’m not such a very good cook… but I could cook something for us to eat tomorrow night at my parents’ house, and you could come and have dinner with me there… What do you think?”

“Great. Just tell me at what time you want me to be there, and I will!”

“Fine. It’s a deal.”

That night, as we were having dinner just the two of us… I felt real good. Obviously, there was something going on between Mathieu and me. We talked about everything and nothing at all. He talked about him, and I talked about me. And we had fun… like if we were starting to know each other a little bit better. He was so cute! I just couldn’t stop staring at him… and I noticed that he was staring at me too. I know. You will say that I should have stopped asking myself if he is gay or not. I know. But for some reason… I wasn’t sure about that, and didn’t want to ask him. After all… he knew very well that I was gay. He knew about Mike… So why the hell wasn’t he making a move, huh?

After dinner, we went for a long walk on the beach. By that time, it was quite dark outside. We started walking into shallow water, as the water was so warm. It was a beautiful night. Such a beautiful night…

After a while… Mathieu turned across to look at me and asked:

“…Can I ask you something, Jack?”

“Stop asking me that question Mathieu. Whatever you want to ask me, just ask. You don’t need my permission to do so…”

“Thanks. (…) You see… there’s something I’d like to know…”

“Yeah. What is it?”

“(…) Well… do you think you could fall in love again… I mean…”

I stopped walking and looked at him. Then, after a few seconds I said:

“… With a guy like you Mathieu… yes I could.”

I saw him grin, but he didn’t say anything… except:

“I’d really like to come back to Martinique. In fact, I think I will come back for my summer vacation…”

“Oh yes? And when will that be?”

“I don’t know yet. But I as soon as I know, I could tell you… so if you can, we could be here together again…”

“Hey… you could even come to Montréal. I could show you around… and then, we could fly together from Montréal to Martinique…”

“…Yeah. That would be great…”

“Then, it’s a deal” I answered, with a big… a very big smile on my face.

“Yes… It’s a deal…”

No. We didn’t kiss that night. Nothing else happened between the two of us that night. We just looked at each other… and it was like if we wanted to know each other better before something else happens between the two of us. But from that very moment, I knew something else was happening. I knew I was falling in love again. I just knew.

The day after, I offered to drive Mathieu to the airport. Just the two of us.

At the Lamentin Airport, as Mathieu was about to board his plane… I offered him my hand to shake. Instead, he took me into his arms and hugged me tight. Very tight. And I hugged him back the same way…

“…You have my email address, don’t you?”, I asked him, as he was about to go…

“Sure do. You will email me, won’t you?”

“…Sure will. As soon as I get back to Montréal. You won’t get rid of me like that…”, I answered, laughing…

“Don’t want to…”, he answered, giving me such a lovely smile.

Later, as I was driving back to our house… I began crying. I had to stop along the road. Yes… I had fallen in love all over again… and I was already missing him! 

Of course, I told Paul about what had happened (not much…) with Mathieu, and about how I was feeling towards him…

“You are blessed Jack. Do you realize that?” he asked me… “Do you realize that you’re falling in love for the third time in your life? Do you realize that?”

I looked at him and answered:

“Yeah. I know. But… even though I’m falling in love with Mathieu… that doesn’t mean he’s falling in love with me you know…”

“Are you blind, or what?”

I grinned and answered:

“Well… as they say… don’t sell the bear’s skin before you have killed the beast…”

“Yeah… well, if I were you… I would start thinking about what to do with that skin…”

“You’re silly. But don’t worry… I know what I would like to do with that skin…”

Paul burst out laughing and answered:

“Ohhhhhhh you’re bad! Yes you are! (…) Anyway, you will keep me posted, won’t you?”

“…Sure will…”

The day I was about to leave to go back to Montréal, I went to Bagatelle to say goodbye to my old friends there…

Will and Paul were sitting side by side on the colonnaded front porch…

I looked at them and smiled. They were holding hands, just like young lovers would do… and they were smiling at me. It was a good day for Will. Some times, he has bad days and then, he seems to be totally lost. But some other times, he has good days… and that day was a good day. That made me feel happy, to see him like that….

“…So you’re leaving us?”, Paul asked me…

“I’m afraid so. It’s time for me to go back…”

“Yes…”, he answered.

“(…) If you don’t mind… I’ll go inside to say goodbye to the others… then, I will come back…”

“Sure. Go right in…”

I said goodbye to Ludwig, Lutz then to François. Then, I walked back to where Will and Paul were sitting…

“…Well… It’s time for me to go…”, I said to them… “While I’m away, don’t do things I wouldn’t do, huh?”

Will burst out laughing… then said:

“…Like what, huh?”

I began laughing and answered:

“…Well like… Oh you. You know very well what I mean…”

Will looked at Paul then at me and said:

“Hey… we are of age you know…”

“Yeah!”, I answered, laughing. “I love you guys”, I added, before hugging each one of them in turn…

“…And we love you too…But then, you already know that, don’t you?”, Paul asked me, as I was hugging him…

“Yes. I know. Now… take good care. I’ll call you as soon as I get home…”

“We’ll be waiting for your call…”

At that, I walked down the stairs and walked towards my car. Then… as I was about to enter the car, I turned back for a second and looked up at Will and Paul…

“…I love you guys…”, I shouted at them…

They smiled then waved at me… and I waved back at them…

As I was leaving Bagatelle I prayed to God:

“…God… you know that at times, I had my doubts about you. At times, I even doubted about your existence. Sorry about that. I know you’re there for me. And If I may ask… if it’s not too much for me to ask you… I mean… could it be possible for Mathieu and me to be in love together? Don’t be mad at me if I ask. Please. But if that’s what you want… could we be as happy in life as Paul and Will have been and still are? Would that be too much to ask? Whatever you decide… please God… this time, don’t take Mathieu away from me. Please. I know what they say… that you like to test those that you love. I didn’t know that you loved me so much… But then… if you choose to make things work between Mathieu and me… then make that happen, then… forget about us. Can you do that?”

That very same day, I flew back to Montréal.

And when I finally got home, I went to my computer to check my emails…

I had an email from Mathieu. I opened it… and there, right in front of me… in big letters I read:

“WELCOME HOME JACK! I HOPE THAT I’M NOT WRONG ABOUT YOU AND THAT YOU WON’T THINK THAT I’M SILLY. TONIGHT, I FEEL LONELY… AND I MISS YOU. PLEASE, TELL ME THAT I’M NOT WRONG…”

And what do you think I did? Yes. I clicked on “Reply” and I wrote:

“YOU’RE NOT WRONG. I MISS YOU TOO. SO MUCH. WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO MONTRÉAL. I’M EXPECTING YOU…”

The morning after, I went to my computer to check my emails. And I lost control over my heart beat when I saw that Mathieu had replied to me. I waited a few seconds… then I clicked on his message:

“JUST TELL ME WHEN I CAN GO… AND I’LL BE THERE.”

My heart was beating so fast…

I clicked on “Reply” and answered:

“AS SOON AS I KNOW WHEN I CAN GO ON VACATION, I WILL TELL YOU. (…). I THINK I’M FALLING IN LOVE…”

Later that day, I got a reply from Mathieu:

“I SURE HOPE IT’S WITH ME, YOU’RE FALLING IN LOVE WITH…”

My reply was short:

“YES”…

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That’s the end guys. Yes. That’s where “My German lover” story ends. I kept my promise to Will and Paul… that I would write about their lives, and about the most beautiful love story I’ve ever heard. I did it. I owed it to them, as they have done so much for me. Many of you wanted to know how come I knew about their story… and so I told you. You already know that the last chapter was very, very hard for me to write. And you know why. I didn’t want to write that chapter. Then… I talked to Paul about that, and you know what he said to me. That if I ever decide to write that last chapter, I would have to do it for me, not for them. For a while, I thought about that… then, I wrote that last chapter. And I did it for me… and for Mike. You read that last chapter and I’ve been moved by your comments and reviews.. and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for what you wrote. Thanks guys. I love you. I love you all… Now… I don’t really know what lays ahead for me in the future. I sure hope that it will work out fine between Mathieu and me. That’s what I pray for. I’m ready to start a new life. But I’ll never ever forget about Mike. Of that I’m sure. He will always be with me, whatever happens in my life. I know that that’s what he wants. He wants me to be happy. Now… as much as I don’t know about the future… there’s one thing I know: I’ve know what true love is all about, and that’s something no one… no one will ever be able to take away from me. And I pray the good Lord that one day, each and every one of you will experience true love, if you haven’t already done so. Yes. True love does exist. And if you believe that, one day… you will find it. You will. Believe me. Now, I say goodbye to you all. Take good care… and whoever your God is… I pray to him or her that she/he protects you. And if you don’t believe in God, well anyway… take good care. Adieu.

Now please, allow me to say a few words in French for those of you who speak that language, and told me that I should have written that story in French…

Mes amis, je comprends fort bien que vous auriez aimé que j’écrive cette histoire en français. Peut-être qu’un jour, je vais le faire. Peut-être. Ce n’est pas une promesse! Mais je ne sais pas où je pourrais publier cette histoire en français sur le web! Si vous connaissez un bon site, comme celui-ci, alors faites le moi savoir… Ceci étant dit, j’espère que mes paroles d’amour auront su vous rejoindre. Par delà les mots. Par delà les simples paroles. J’ai partagé avec vous la plus belle histoire d’amour que je connaisse. Celle de Will et Paul. Ma propre histoire n’est rien comparée à la leur! J’ai tenu ma promesse. J’ai écrit leur histoire. Et bien que je ne voulais pas écrire la mienne, Paul m’a convaincu de le faire. Pas pour eux, mais pour moi… et pour Mike. Et maintenant que je l’ai fait, j’en suis heureux. Je ne sais pas ce que l’avenir me réserve. Pas plus que vous d’ailleurs. Mais sachez une chose: L’amour… le véritable amour existe. Je le sais. Et si vous ne l’avez pas encore rencontré… je souhaite que cela vous arrive un jour. Mais vous devez y croire. Je prie Dieu que cela vous arrive. Quelque soit votre Dieu. Et si vous ne croyez pas en un Dieu, bien cela n’a pas d’importance: Du fond de mon cœur, je souhaite que cela vous arrive. Adieu mes amis. Et prenez bien soins de vous. Je vous aime tous.